Goodness

Why the Crusade?

2007-09-20T15:33:00.000-05:00

Ever since Willie Herenton came out and said that he wants to build a new stadium a few months ago, a crusade to build a new on campus stadium for the University of Memphis football team has been launched. Conceivably, this stadium would hold around 40,000 people, which is about right for Memphis, which can't really fill their current stadium with their fan base. The University of Memphis, unless it turns into a dominant football power, will never fill the Liberty Bowl, at least with their own fans alone. It has been proven over time that only when the SEC schools come in can the Liberty Bowl be filled.

So on the surface, it would be a good idea to build a stadium on campus. It would improve the on campus life (theoretically) and would better suit the football team's needs, both for seating capacity and quality of facilities.

But there's a problem. The Liberty Bowl would have to stay. There are two events a year that would require the use of the Liberty Bowl--the Autozone Liberty Bowl and the Southern Heritage Classic. If you've listened to Harold Graeter talk, it's pretty clear that they will still use the Liberty Bowl for the bowl game. So in that case, you would have two football stadiums about three miles apart, one of which would only host two events a year.

U of M President Dr. Shirley Raines put out a statement earlier in the week and said very matter-of-factly that the University has no plans to build an on campus stadium. She says that the University has more pressing issues that it needs to pay for than a stadium.

So I ask--why is everyone so furious with Dr. Raines? No matter what the report on the new stadium says, to have two venues within a couple of miles of each other is ridiculous. Don't we already have that with FedEx Forum and the Pyramid? And we all know what a monumental waste of the city's money that the Pyramid was. It doesn't matter whether the report says that an on campus stadium should be built or not--the Liberty Bowl is going to remain. And for a University whose athletic department already loses money, it just doesn't make any sense to build a new stadium.

If the University is not going to pay for it, then to me, there are only two more options. One, the city helps pay for it, or two, private investors pay for it.

As to option #2, this entire post is moot if private investors pay for it. If they can buy their own stadium, more power to them.

As for option #1, I know i don't want my taxes raised to help pay for a new stadium. And I don't think Memphians as a whole would be too wild about it either. This is not Chapel Hill, North Carolina or College Station, Texas. There are other interests in this town besides the University of Memphis. Why should the city's taxes go towards a stadium when there is a perfectly suitable one two miles down the road? This is not at all like the FedEx Forum situation, where the NBA team had to have a better arena to play in Memphis.

So what is to be gained right now from building a new stadium? The existing one is perfectly suitable (at least for now), there would be numerous logistical problems by building an on campus stadium (namely, where it would go and what you would do with the railroad tracks running all along the south edge of the Main Campus), and the money simply isn't there. Unless there are private investors, I say no new stadium until the Liberty Bowl isn't suitable anymore.

I Don't Understand the NCAA

2007-08-28T16:11:00.000-05:00

Today, the NCAA ruled Jerrell Powe academically ineligible for the third straight year, but let him into school at Ole Miss, saying that if he handles the work load and makes the grades, he can reapply for reinstatement next year.

I don't understand this. By most accounts, Powe has jumped through hoops trying to become eligible to play at Ole Miss. He has spent the last two years trying to get eligible, and finally it looked like he was. What I don't understand is that the NCAA said that he was eligible to get into school, but not to play football. Isn't it usually the other way around? In my mind, it makes more sense to admit him to school to play football, and then see if he can do the work while playing. If he can't, he's back where he started next year and is off the field again. To admit him to school and let him go to class and not let him play football doesn't make much sense to me.

Dave Woloshin, not surprisingly, jumped in on the side of the NCAA and painted the NCAA as a noble organization that's looking out for the best interests of Powe. Maybe because he doesn't want a 6'2, 330 pound run-stopper on the field on Saturday afternoon. I'm just saying.

I don't really know why the NCAA did it this way, and doesn't want Powe on the field playing football. What I do know is that I feel bad for the kid. He's spent his entire life with a learning disability, his last two years trying to become eligible to play football. If he can get in school, then he can play football. A sad chapter in a sad couple of years.

New blog

2007-08-23T12:59:00.001-05:00

So, instead of both posting on this site, Peter and I have decided to start a new blog. And it shall be called These Enormous Children. And Peter and Will looked upon it. And they saw that it was good.

A Major Announcement

2007-08-22T12:19:00.000-05:00

We here at Goodness are pleased to announce that Peter Edmiston and I will both be posting from here on out. Eventually, we are going to change the title of the blog, but for now, keep on reading, and we will certainly let you know when we make the name change official.

Power Rankings, Week of 8/20

2007-08-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

1. The White Stripes: I think I'm in love with Meg White.
2. This guy: This may be the single greatest performance in the history of everything.
3. Celtic Crossing Irish Breakfast: One of the great things about working at a radio station is that people just randomly bring you food...i.e. this morning.
4. Stop Yelling At Me: In case you missed the Hills, which I have--every episode.
5. Psych: The most consistently entertaining show on television. James Roday is a genius.
6. Gray-haired, jorted Gene Shalit: If only you could have seen it. Oh, the people that come in for Elvis week.

Random Thoughts and Links

2007-08-20T16:09:00.000-05:00

--This is the funniest article that I've ever read.
--Michael Vick is pleading guilty to federal dogfighting charges. I don't understand why anyone would do this. Really. How, and why, would anyone get into dogfighting? I just don't get it. On the other hand, this is the biggest public outcry against an individual I've ever encountered. Bigger than Mike Tyson's rape conviction, bigger than Leonard Little killing someone while drunk, bigger than Kobe Bryant's rape allegations. I honestly think that more than half of the country would support his execution.
--Heidi Fleiss and Jenna Jameson have thrown their support behind Hillary Clinton for the upcoming presidential campaign. I'm sure that Hillary will be pleased to have two women her husband has likely screwed on her side.
--My friend Peter referred to someone over the weekend as "The Nostradamus of Gay Sex." I wish I could remember who, and in what context, that he used this phrase.
--I think the ladies over at Stop Yelling at Me and Go Fug Yourself should have lunch at Flying Fish on Sunday afternoon and bring their laptops. I have never seen more dudes in capri pants than I saw yesterday. It was like the Rafael Nadal school of fashion let out their class. I actually saw a guy who looked like Gene Shalit:

Only this guy had gray hair and Daisy Duke jean shorts on. I kid you not.

Growing Old, Pt. 2

2007-08-17T10:50:00.000-05:00

So it's confirmed, I'm old.

I played my second basketball game in three days, this time with four people...You know what, I'll get to the basketball game later. Let's start with my hands. My hands hurt up until today. My hands! Whose hands hurt? It's not like I did the finger treadmill from that Bud Light commercial or anything.

Anyway, we played with four last night against five, and we almost won. However, the consequence of that is that I almost passed out with 3 minutes left in the game. I hurt today, but my muscles are more numb than sore.

I was reading an article on the Top Five Fictional Mayors of all time. Mayor McCheese was #4. I've always had great issue with the treatment of Mayor McCheese in the McDonald's realm. Why does the clown get all the credit? Correct me if I'm wrong, but Mayor McCheese is actually, MAYOR McCheese. He isn't City Councilman McCheese, or Alderman McCheese, or Volunteer Fire Chief McCheese. He is Mayor McCheese. Shouldn't he be in charge? Why does Ronald McDonald get all the credit? He's creepy. And so is Grimace, who is nothing more than a big, purple, bumbling cone. Mayor McCheese is the Mayor of McDonaldland, that's all I'm saying. He should get the credit. Theoretically, he was voted there by the citizens of said McDonaldland, and thus should formulate policy. I like Mayor McCheese.

Why I loved this Summer

2007-08-16T11:10:00.000-05:00

In addition to the trip to Ireland, the White Stripes concert, and now two Ryan Adams shows, one of the great things this summer has been Flight of the Conchords on HBO.

If you don't think that is funny, I'm not sure I like you. With the absolute dearth of good shows during the summer other than Monk, Psych, and Burn Notice (wow, I like USA a lot), it's nice to have a watchable show while I'm waiting for The Office to start again. By the way, do you remember when USA used to run reruns of La Femme Nikita and Silk Stalkings all the time? By the way, in my opinion, there are only about 12 good channels on basic cable. I 'm not talking about HBO, I'm talking cable. They are as follows:
--USA
--TNT
--TBS
--ESPN
--The History Channel
--Comedy Central
--A & E
--Fox Soccer Channel
--Encore
--If I didn't say VH1 and MTV, Christy would disown me
--Bravo
--BBC America
--The Food Network

I can't believe that USA is my favorite channel. I DVR more shows on USA than any other channel. And for a network that used to feature La Femme Nikita prominently, that's hard to believe.

What the hell?

2007-08-16T10:11:00.000-05:00

I was watching Court TV for like two minutes this morning, and they were talking about the Phil Spector trial. How long has Phil Spector been on trial? Is it just me, or has he been in custody since I graduated from high school in 1997?
I mean, the guy produced some great songs--"You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'," "Instant Karma," "Imagine"...but look at the guy! He looks like Tim Burton's dad. I'm going to put my money on guilty. Guilty of looking like an Edgar Allan Poe character.

Growing Old, Pt. 1

2007-08-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

I am growing older, I don't think that's a secret. A couple of things have come to my attention recently that have really driven the point home. Last night, I played in a basketball game...We only had 5 players last night, so I had to play the whole game. I hurt so damn badly today it's unbelievable. And it's not like a "I just got done working out" hurt, it's like a "I may or may not already have arthritis" hurt. And that is disturbing. I think I have shin splints, and I don't really understand that at all, because until last night, I haven't run in about three weeks.

Christy likes VH1 and MTV. I just don't get it. I watched a little of The Hills a couple of nights ago, and I hated every single person on the show. I mean, I think Lauren's cute, and Heidi has big implants, but I am so glad I don't live in California, because I think I would hate everyone there. And I don't understand why that show is popular, because it seems like the same thing over and over again--Lauren's pissed at Heidi, Spencer is a big douche, the end. If someone could explain why this show is so popular, I would appreciate it. Maybe I'm just old, and that's why I just abhor these shows. I would much rather watch Monk and Psych, which I think are both brilliant.

I think it's clear that I'm an old curmudgeon, at age 28. And that's distressing.

The Summer of Will

2007-08-15T12:15:00.000-05:00

I have no idea why I haven't blogged in many months. Maybe it's because I've moved, gone out of the country, and am working on completely rearranging my life. Perhaps that had something to do with it. Anyways, I'm back.

--I was driving around the other day to or from work, I don't remember which. They all run together. Anyways, Fergie's song came on, you know, the one with "I'm Gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket..." Is there a more ridiculous song ever written? A five year old could have written that song. Combine that with the way she looks:

I mean, rocking bod and all, but a horrible face. Fergie can sing okay and all, but I don't get it. Just don't.
--If you didn't get a chance to watch the Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav, here is one of the highlights:

You can find more of the highlights by going to YouTube.
--Speaking of funny things on YouTube:

--Check out the girls over at Stop Yelling At Me. When gorgeous women are funny, it's always a plus. Unfortunately for you, they're married.

That is all for now. I hope that the Muse will strike me more often.

Kissing Suzy Kolber is Funny

2007-03-21T15:08:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the foul-mouthed Kissing Suzy Kolber for making me laigh with the NFL Family Circus this afternoon. Check it out.

Tony Dungy Really Doesn't Like Gay People All that Much

2007-03-21T12:34:00.000-05:00

NFL-renowned "good guy" Tony Dungy came out yesterday and publicly announced his position on gay marriage. He doesn't hate gay people, but he thinks that marriage between a man and a woman is "the Lord's way." So he doesn't hate gay people, but God does.
I have a hard time believing that God hates anybody, so why Dungy doesn't just admit that he doesn't like gay people is beyond me.

Source: With Leather

Go to Hell, Duke

2007-03-21T11:12:00.000-05:00

The University of North Carolina was named the nation's favorite basketball team according to the latest Harris Poll.

The No. 1 team for the past four years, Duke, not only took an early exit from the tournament this year, but dropped to No. 2 in the Harris Poll as well. Ohio State, another top seeded team, moves up one spot and is now No. 3.

Rounding out the top-five favorite teams are the Wildcats of Kentucky (No. 4), who return to the list after dropping out of the top-10 last year, and the Bruins of UCLA (No. 5). The remaining teams on the top-10 list are Texas (No. 6), Georgetown (No. 7), Michigan (tied for No. 8), Indiana (tied for No. 8) and Syracuse (No. 10).

Only one school on the list (Syracuse) is not in the NCAA tournament.

That's right Duke. Not only did you suck this year in basketball, but you sucked in the Harris poll also. This is why, this is why you suck.

Congratulations, Coach

2007-03-20T17:56:00.000-05:00

MUS's head basketball coach, Jerry Peters, won his first state title a couple of weeks ago. Peters has been at MUS for long enough to amass 919 wins. That's a lot. I thought Jason Smith's article about Peters was fantastic. Peters coached the entire tournament run and then had a mild stroke right before the state championship game. Since MUS is my alma mater, I'm extremely happy for Coach Peters, who taught me American Government my senior year and coached my brother, who played ball for MUS until he graduated in 2005. My father still teaches there, my mother is about to start teaching there, and my brother and I both went to MUS, so I think I speak for all of us when I say congratulations, Coach Peters. A fitting reward for a lifetime of molding young men's lives.

I Play GM

2007-03-20T16:21:00.000-05:00

The NBA Draft is about three months away (or so) and the Grizzlies are three games ahead (behind?) in their race to be the worst team in the NBA. Assuming probabilities work out in their favor--which is a big assumption--I will play Jerry West--hopefully the one in the mid '90s and not the one now--and rank my board according to team needs.

1. Greg Oden, Ohio State: More than anything, the Grizzlies have always needed a big man...well, a physical man with some balls to play alongside our resident asexual star Pau Gasol. If you've seen Oden play this year, you know he's extremely raw on the offensive end of the floor--an unfortunate byproduct of being 7 feet tall and being able to dominate high school games against people 5 or 6 inches shorter than you. However, he has great feet, great quickness for a guy his size, and he runs the floor extremely well. He also is a game-changing defensive force. Guys like this only come around once every 10 years or so, and they bring you championships.

2. Kevin Durant, Texas: The easiest pick in the draft is the 2nd pick, because whichever guy you don't pick with the first pick will be the second pick...He's the most amazing offensive freshman maybe in the history of college basketball, and certainly this year. He can shoot from anywhere, put the ball on the floor, and play defense with his length. It doesn't matter whether you get Oden or Durant, because you're getting a franchise player either way.

3. Brandan Wright, UNC: He's basically Chris Bosh, with no jumper as of yet. I've watched him play a ton this year, and his length causes all kinds of problems for defensive players and the people he is guarding. He has good touch with both hands around the goal, but there are two things he needs to work on--his strength and his jumper. If he can extend his jump shot out to about 14-17 feet, he'll be a great player. Not a bad consolation prize for whoever gets the third pick.

4. Julian Wright, Kansas: Great passer for his size, good shooter, good rebounder...just a good player.

Obviously I was being facetious with the video.
5. Al Horford, Florida: In my estimation, by far the better of the two players from Florida. Extremely strong and has developed his jump shot so that he has NBAish range for a power forward. Plays a lot like Carlos Boozer, so Jerry West will probably take some white stiff ahead of him. I don't have any video of Al, because he basically just bullies people.

Since the Grizzlies are almost certainly going to have the worst record in the league, these are the guys I would think about taking. Of course, I expect Jerry to take Joakim Noah because of his "basketball IQ." If Jerry's still here, of course.
By the way, if you like NBADraft.net, you'll notice that former pudgy Lausanne Lynx-Cat center Marc Gasol is moving up the draft board. Not only is his NBA comparison Todd MacCulloch, but he may also be the first player to require a Bro. Forgive me if I don't want to reunite Pau and Marc.

The Best of Local Commercials

2007-03-20T10:56:00.000-05:00

I love local TV.

"UNTIL THEY'RE GONE!"

And this one has to be the weirdest thing I've ever seen:

"Ive got something for you...The lowest cost SR22!"

And finally, if you thought you couldn't work Juvenile and a half-naked Uncle Sam in on the same commercial, you were sorely mistaken:

"We've got a big fine couch, won't you back that thang up!"

I'd love to put together a montage of the best Memphis area commercials...it would have to include the Abbott's Diamonds Commercial, the "Get your Bling Bling On!" commercials, "Lemme kill your weeds," and any number of the Corey B. Trotz commercials. If anyone can find video of these or has any other ideas, be sure and let me know.

The Least Surprising News You'll Read All Day

2007-03-20T10:06:00.000-05:00

Apparently, pro wrestlers do steroids. Who knew?

The guy above is another guy linked to the steroid probe, bodybuilder Victor Martinez. That guy does steroids?
Other names include John Rocker (really? Shocking!), Kurt Angle, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio, The Edge, The Hurricane, and the late Eddie Guerrero. The only surprising thing about this story is that EVERY pro wrestler in the WWE is not connected.

I Go on Trips

2007-03-19T18:49:00.000-05:00

My computer at home is kicking ass on Windows '98, so uploading my pictures took a little more time than I thought it would. I went to Chapel Hill, North Carolina, forever after on this blog known as God's Country, to attend the Duke-Carolina game and to see my brother. Here are some in game pictures from March 4th:

These are my seats from the game...Last year I sat in the second to last row in the arena, so this year was a welcome change.

Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture of Tyler Hansbrough almost fighting the entire Duke team when he got that cheap shot in the nose. I did get a picture of the final score, however:

I have to say, the Dean Dome is pretty damn inpressive. Doesn't have many bells and whistles, just some concession stands, bathrooms, and a basketball court. FedEx Forum is without a doubt a nicer arena in the luxury sense, but there is something to be said for 5 National Championship banners and God knows how many jerseys hanging in the rafters. One thing that did shock me is that Brendan Haywood's jersey is up there. Brendan Haywood? Seriously?
My trip once again proved my theory that Chapel Hill, NC is the greatest place on Earth. I have no problem walking down Franklin Street at any time of the day or night...and I don't even fear for my life! It's a novel concept.

I Have Picks

2007-03-19T11:14:00.000-05:00

MIDWEST REGIONAL:

(1)Florida vs. (5) Butler: As much as I hate Florida, and as much as I hate white people who play basketball, this is not my favorite game of the weekend. Florida looked extremely shaky against a good defensive team in Purdue yesterday, and Butler is very good on defense. To me, it comes down to which marquee player is uglier, AJ Graves of Butler:

Or Joakim Noah of Florida:

Noah is easliey the uglier, thus giving Florida the advantage. Florida 65, Butler 61.

(3)Oregon vs. (7)UNLV: Oregon has been extremely impressive so far. They have great guard play and have played very well going back to the PAC-10 tournament, when they crushed USC in the final. UNLV is very well coached and has Kevin Kruger, who looks exactly like Lon Kruger, only he has more hair. I was right in theory about Wisconsin losing in the second round, but wrong about which team would beat them...I had Georgia Tech going to the Sixteen. UNLV is underrated, but give me Oregon 63, UNLV 57.

WEST REGIONAL:

(1) Kansas vs. (4) Southern Illinois: Both of these teams looked great yesterday...SIU did it against a veteran Virginia Tech team, and Kansas did it against a very average Kentucky team...And while I'm here, Tubby Smith needs to go. This could be the biggest mismatch in the entire round, so give me Kansas 69, SIU 57.

(2)UCLA vs. (3)Pittsburgh: If you like football, this will be your game. Ben Howland going against his former apprentice Jamie Dixon. I would be shocked if both of these teams are in the 20s by halftime. UCLA has to be one of the least fun teams to watch in college basketball, not only because of their style, but because of this guy:

Lorenzo Mata, the center for UCLA, whom my father calls "the ugliest player in the history of basketball." My ugly theory holds--UCLA 48, Pitt 45.

SOUTH REGIONAL:

(1)Ohio St. vs. (5)Tennessee: This is a rematch of one of the better games of the season when Ohio St. edged Tennessee in Columbus earlier in the season. Ohio St. is better now than they were then (but you wouldn't know it from their game against Xavier) and Tennessee is playing great basketball. Eli Savoie said it best--"If Lofton gets hot, they can beat anybody." Tennessee 72, Ohio St. 70. UPSET SPECIAL!!

(2)Memphis vs. (3)Texas A&M: Acie Law IV will not be rattled by the Memphis pressure, and if Douglas-Roberts is less than 100%, they are not going to beat A&M. The Tigers have to play perfect basketball to beat A&M, and I don't think they will. A&M 71, Memphis 66.

EAST REGIONAL:

(1)UNC vs. (5)USC: USC has probably been the most impressive team in the tournament so far. The way they dismantled Texas yesterday was extremely impressive. UNC is very mercurial...they have yet to play 40 minutes of basketball yet. That being said, USC has not played a team with an inside game the equal of Carolina, so Good Guys 85, USC 78.

(2)Georgetown vs. (6)Vandy: I've been very impressed with Vanderbilt thus far, and if they get hot from the outside, they can beat anyone (UNC especially). If Vandy can dictate the tempo, they can beat Georgetown, but Georgetown has too much inside. Give me Georgetown 69, Vandy 61.

I'm waiting for all the "Why do you hate the Tigers?" comments to start rolling in, because apparently you can't pick against the Tigers without hating them.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

2007-03-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

I guess he'll have more time to do this now.

I Thought Trajan Langdon Was Dead

2007-03-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

But much thanks to the Ballers w/ Randoms thread that the good folks over at Deadspin posted, I know he's not.

I also discovered that Travis Diener looks a whole lot like producer Tyler McClellan. Who knew?

Jerry West Has Lost It

2007-03-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

This picture pretty much encapsulates the Grizzlies' game with the Cavs last night--Tarrence Kinsey getting a three hit on him by LeBron James.
Why Tarrence Kinsey was guarding LeBron I don't know, but so be it. The Grizzlies have quit, and God help this franchise if they don't get the #1 or #2 pick, because they have no hope if they don't.
Which brings me to Jerry West. Throughout his time in LA, he made great personnel moves and built the team that won three championships in the late '90s. Since he's been here, he built an average basketball team that had no hope of going anywhere, blew it up and started over. He's drafted guys like Robert Archibald, Troy Bell, and Dahntay Jones ahead of guys like Carlos Boozer, Josh Howard, and Luke Walton. He's signed guys like Brian Cardinal to 6 year, $38 million dollar deals when everyone and their mom could have seen that Cardinal wasn't worth that money. He matched Cleveland's 3 year, $9 million offer for Jake Tsakalidis and proceeded to sit him on the bench for two and a half years to be a money pit.
And then yesterday, he comes out and says whether he is here beyond June "is not pertinent." Umm, actually Jerry, the person who is the general manager of the franchise in the most important offseason in team history is pertinent...very much so. Finally you have money to spend and a high draft pick...what will you do with it? At this point, I can see the Grizzlies getting the #1 pick and taking Joakim Noah because of his "basketball IQ." You've lost it, Jerry. Now do all Grizzlies' fans a favor and step down.

Pete Rose is a Schmuck

2007-03-14T17:57:00.000-05:00

Pete Rose revealed Wednesday that he bet on the Reds "every night" while he was manager of the team and that the Dowd Report was correct when it said he did so.

Appearing on the Dan Patrick Show on ESPN Radio, Pete Rose said he bet on the Reds to win every night while he was their manager because he believed in his team.

Rose spoke Wednesday with Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann on ESPN Radio to discuss the new Pete Rose exhibit that will be on display at the Great American Ballpark as part of the Reds Hall of Fame. The exhibit will be on display for 11 months.

"I bet on my team every night. I didn't bet on my team four nights a week. I was wrong," Rose said.

Rose said that he believed in his team so much that he bet on them to win every night.

"I bet on my team to win every night because I love my team, I believe in my team," Rose said. "I did everything in my power every night to win that game."

There are two things posted in every professional baseball locker room--one that says if you bet on baseball you are banned for a year, the other if you bet on your team you are banned for life.
In light of this "new" revelation by Rose that he "bet on (his) team every night," there can be no more debate as to whether or not he belongs in the Hall of Fame. The guy knew the rules and was arrogant enough to break them anyway. The debate is over. Sooner or later, when we actually know what, in fact, Rose did bet on every night--because there's no way a compulsive gambler would bet on his team every single night knowing they would lose every once in a while--I hope all of these people that think he belongs in the Hall of Fame will fade away, just like Pete Rose will after he's gone.

Apparently, it's 1990

2007-03-14T12:17:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the Memphis Tigers didn't get the memo that shaving things into your head went out of style when I was in 6th grade. Didn't Kid 'n Play do that? Will it be the Tigers' House Party in 2007?! By the way, it's good to know that our local sports columnist discusses hard-hitting topics like the Tiger basketball team's haircuts. At least nothing else important is going on, like someone trying to buy the Grizzlies or Jerry West and Michael Heisley meeting with the media about the sorry state of the Grizzlies. Oh wait...
By the way, the Grizzlies are in disarray, but Julie is just fine.

I Love This

2007-03-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

If you hate Duke, and I'm assuming you do if you're reading this, then watch this. EXPLICIT LYRICS:

Now that gets me ready for the tournament.

And This Is Why I Hate Joakim Noah

2007-03-13T11:27:00.000-05:00

And this is the marquee player from the tournament's overall #1, your Florida Gators.

By the way, if I had been on the selection commitee, which I am obviously not, I would have seeded the teams as follows (in order):

#1s: Florida, North Carolina, Ohio State, Kansas
#2s: UCLA, Georgetown, Wisconsin, Texas A&M
#3s: Memphis, Pitt, Oregon, Texas
#4s: Washington St., Maryland, Southern Illinois, Virginia

Memphis would have been my top 3 because their best win of the season was against an 8 seed (Kentucky). Even though all Tiger fans hate me, I hope we can all band together and hope that Joakim Noah and his gapped teeth will be out by the Elite 8.

I'm Back

2007-03-13T11:01:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back from the great state of North Carolina, where I spent a week and a half hating Duke, resting on a farm, driving up and down the Outer Banks, and hating Duke. I'll have pictures up soon. Unfortunately, I wasn't sitting close enough to the court to get Tyler Hansbrough going bonkers after that bitch Gerald Henderson hitting him in the face.

Imagine my dismay when I turn on the television to watch the first game of the ACC Tournament (Florida St. vs. Clemson) and hear the Grumpy Old Man on color for the regional broadcast.
Bill Packer makes we want something to make me laugh, so here it is.

Joey Porter Doesn't Have a Job

2007-03-01T16:54:00.000-06:00

The Steelers cut Joey Porter today. He'll be bringing his linebacking and the bullet in his ass to an NFL team near you next season.

EA Sports Doesn't Know How to Market

2007-03-01T16:09:00.000-06:00

This is an actual cover shot for next year's NCAA Football 2008 for EA Sports. Never mind that Florida won the National Championship, Calvin Johnson is a freak of nature, and Troy Smith won the Heisman. I am as big a Boise State fan as anyone around here, but putting Jared Zabransky on the cover of your game doesn't really speak to that many people. Not that it matters. I'm pretty sure that you could put Tulane's kicker on the cover and it would sell.

Anti-Duke Campaign Week: The Final Day

2007-03-01T15:27:00.000-06:00

Before I head off to God's country--Chapel Hill, North Carolina, of course--I figured I might give you one more Anti-Duke campaign. We've talked about Dick Vitale, the Crazies, and K. I figured I might take one more shot--at the players. From Nick Horvath to Christian Laettner, Mark Alarie to Josh McRoberts, Thomas Hill to Dahntay Jones. Here are your Duke '07 Greatest Hits:
First, one from our boy McBob in the UNC-Duke game earlier this season:

Or how about Greg Paulus?

Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing Duke lose at home. Thank you Maryland, Virginia Tech, Florida State, and especially, North Carolina. Expect a big blog with lots of pictures as soon as I get back. Until then, GO HEELS!

Jamal Lewis is Unemployed

2007-02-28T21:07:00.000-06:00

Jamal Lewis, the NFL's Offensive Player of the Year in 2003 when he rushed for over 2000 yards, was cut today by the Ravens, proving Jeff Weinberger correct...Jamal Lewis is overrated. Just kidding. What it does prove, though, is that Baltimore will probably win the Super Bowl next year, much like Tennessee won a championship without him in 1998. I'm sure they would have talked a lot about Jamal Lewis getting cut on the Barry Gibb Talk Show.

Do they have Dairy Queens in Chicago?

2007-02-28T15:56:00.000-06:00

If you're a Cubs fan, you have to like this news...

Billionaire blogger Mark Cuban is more serious about buying a major league baseball team than he's been letting on. The tech entrepreneur and Dallas Mavericks owner is set to offer $625 million to buy the Chicago Cubs from Tribune Co., according to a source familiar with the matter. "Mark is desperate to buy the Cubs," says the source. "He wants this so bad."

Tribune, which has owned the Cubs since 1981, has been exploring a sale in recent months. The company has a buyout offer on the table from Chicago real estate billionaire Sam Zell, but is reportedly leaning toward restructuring on its own. Asked about the Cuban offer, a Tribune spokesman said, "We do not confirm, deny, or comment on speculation regarding our business or any of our business units."

If you're a Cubs fan, you have to be excited about the most competitive owner in all of sports wanting to own your team. If Dirk could only hit a curveball...

Anti-Duke Campaign Week: Day 3

2007-02-28T15:13:00.000-06:00

We're closing in on the trip to Chapel Hill to watch my beloved Tarheels battle the hated Blue Devils on Sunday afternoon. I've tackled Coach K, I've talked about the body-painted nerds that populate Cameron Indoor on a game-by-game basis, but now I tackle the media schill that perpetuates the aura around Duke, Dick Vitale.

We already know he doesn't really know how to use a phone, and we know that he loves sitting up above the air conditioning vent in Cameron Indoor and broadcasting games. There is perhaps no one in broadcasting I despise more than Dick Vitale, and only because he's a caricature of himself...I've heard old Vitale games on ESPN classic...he actually has interesting insight. Now he yells all the time and has become a loud, obnoxious caricature of himself in every way. I don't think he prepares any more than getting a roster of the teams and having a general knowledge of college basketball. Having this guy as an "analyst" for college basketball is a joke.

My God, This Story Won't Go Away

2007-02-27T16:48:00.000-06:00

More than two dozen doctors, pharmacists and business owners have been, or will be, arrested in the coming days on sealed indictments charging them with various felonies for unlawfully distributing steroids and other controlled substances, records show.

The customers include Los Angeles Angels centerfielder Gary Matthews Jr., according to sources with knowledge of the investigation.

Sources also said New York Bureau of Narcotics Enforcement investigators recently interviewed a top physician for the Pittsburgh Steelers about his alleged purchase last year of roughly $150,000 of testosterone and human growth hormone.

Every 3 or 4 months or so, we get another steroid story just to keep it fresh in our minds and to get all of the holier-than-thous out of the woodwork to tell us what a travesty it is that these guys use steroids. Gary Matthews, Jr. used steroids? You're kidding. A career .260 hitter used steroids and then hit .313 in a contract year?
Whether you think it's cheating or not, one thing we can all agree on--buying steroids on the internet is Bad Idea Jeans.

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Anti-Duke Campaign Week: Day 2--The Crazies

2007-02-27T12:47:00.000-06:00

We tackled Coach K the first day of Anti-Duke Campaign Week, we tackle the annoying nerds that populate the high school arena that is Cameron Indoor. Ironically, the person that wrote perhaps the best summary of these somewhat less than aesthetically pleasing coeds is a Duke student himself. These were the kids that everyone made fun of in high school. They have a bloody cheer sheet before every game. Thank God the game this week in in Chapel Hill so I don't have to listen to Dick Vitale drone on about how wonderful these nerds are.

Soccer is a Contact Sport

2007-02-26T14:57:00.000-06:00

The final of the Carling Cup was yesterday...Chelsea won 2-1 on 2 goals from Ivory coastian Didier Drogba. But the baddest-ass moment of the day came when English National Team captain John Terry was kicked in the face by Abou Diaby of Arsenal. After viewing this video, it's impossible to come to any other conclusion than John Terry is a badass (he was at the team party 2 hours later) and soccer is, in fact, a contact sport. Enjoy.

Rulon Gardner is Indestructible

2007-02-26T12:20:00.000-06:00

It seems as if God keeps trying to kill Olympic Gold medalist Rulon Gardner, but much like Rasputin, he won't die.
He's survived a motorcycle accident, a night in freezing Wyoming wilderness (in which he had a toe amputated because of frostbite), and now has he's survived a plane crash. Is it going to take someone poisoning him and trapping him under ice to kill him?

Anti-Duke Campaign Week: Day 1

2007-02-26T11:23:00.000-06:00

It is Carolina-Duke week, and before I head up to Chapel Hill on Friday for the game on Sunday, I'm going to spend the next few days doing the best thing that gets me ready for the game, and that's remembering why it is that I actually hate Duke. Which brings me to reason number 1 to hate Duke, Coach K.

So many reasons to hate K...Could it be the constant berating of officials? The phantom back injury in 1995? His shady recruiting practices? For me, I'm sticking to his resemblance of a rodent. Rats carried the Black Death, you know. I'm just saying...if you like Coach K, you like disease.

Occasionally Duke People Do Something Intelligent...

2007-02-26T11:20:00.000-06:00

The Hole - video powered by Metacafe
If the dude at the end of the video weren't wearing a Duke t-shirt, this may be my favorite video I've ever seen. If anyone knows where I can get one of these...

Hockey is Awesome

2007-02-23T16:46:00.000-06:00

After watching this, please tell me one reason other than "It's not good on TV" that hockey has never caught on in the US.

The Funniest Thing You Will See All Day

2007-02-23T16:30:00.000-06:00

If you like to laugh, and are as excited as I am about Reno 911: Miami, then enjoy. MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY: MUST HAVE SENSE OF HUMOR TO ENJOY.

You're Not Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants...

2007-02-23T15:22:00.000-06:00

The guy who should have won the Super Bowl MVP Award, Dominic Rhodes, has officially joined the Eddie Griffin Memorial Hall of Fame for Athletes Who Do Stupid Crap When They are Arrested. Rhodes was arrested for DUI a few nights ago, but the follow up is much, much more entertaining:

After failing two field-sobriety tests, Rhodes told [State Trooper Ahmad] Hafez he had consumed two or three alcoholic drinks. While sitting in the police car's front seat, Rhodes urinated on himself, the report said.

He pissed his pants. According to the police report, Rhodes only blew a .09 on the Breathalyzer...which is way below pants-pissing range. I haven't laughed this hard at someone peeing their pants since Billy Madison.

Pacman Jones About to Go to the Clink

2007-02-21T16:25:00.000-06:00

Wow! What an all Star Weekend in Las Vegas! The owner of the strip club called Minxx in Las Vegas (rawr!) has apparently claimed that Pacman Jones was involved in the incident...

Jones had tossed hundreds of $1 bills on the stripper stage, an action known in street slang as "making it rain." When one of the strippers started grabbing the money without Jones' permission, he got angry, grabbed her hair and slammed her head against the stage, [co-owner Robert] Susnar said.

That's when security guard Aaron Cudworth, a mixed-martial artist with professional fighting experience, intervened and stopped the assault, he said.

"At that point, Pacman said, 'I'm going to kill you,'" Susnar said.

Not only all that, but apprently the club's surveillance video has Pacman on tape punching a stripper, biting a bouncer, and telling one of his buddies to "smoke his ass." Needless to say, Pacman didn't have a very good weekend in Vegas.

I've watched enough Law & Order: SVU (with B.D. Wong) to think that Pacman has some sort of disorder...The guy has all the talent in the world, but can't stop getting in trouble. And now, it's resulted (allegedly) in a bouncer getting shot in the spine and being paralyzed for life.

Put this guy away. I don't care how good he is.

Chad Ford Obviously Not Grizzlies' GM

2007-02-21T10:52:00.000-06:00

This from Chad Ford--

Trade 2:
Pau Gasol, Rasho Nesterovic, Brian Cardinal, Morris Peterson, and Fred Jones to the Magic
Grant Hill, Jose Calderon, Trevor Ariza, Keyon Dooling, and the draft rights to Fran Vasquez to the Grizzlies
Darko Milicic, Hedo Turkoglu, Carlos Arroyo, Stromile Swift, and Lawrence Roberts to the Raptors

Why in the bloody hell would the Grizzlies do this trade, Chad?

Gasol wants out and has become a distraction. I agree with Jerry West that the Grizzlies don't have to trade Gasol just because he wants to move.
However, if they can get a deal that gives them cap relief and a couple of young prospects, I think it's worth doing. Here the Grizzlies get all of the above.
Hill's and Dooling's contracts come off the books this summer and the Grizzlies drop two big contracts in Cardinal and Swift. Calderon has quietly turned into one of the best young point guards in the league and everyone remains high on Ariza.
This trade wouldn't do a lot to help the win column in Memphis...but right now everyone in Memphis is eyeing Greg Oden anyway. Put Oden on the floor with Calderon, Ariza, Mike Miller and Rudy Gay and I think the Grizzlies have the makings of a future playoff team.
If that's not enough, West would have roughly $25 million in cap room to go get other pieces of the puzzle via free agency.

So let me get this straight...The Grizzlies trade a proven player in return for Jose Calderon, Trevor Ariza, and a guy who probably will play as many minutes for the Grizzlies as Sergei Lishouk did?
The Grizzlies will already have cap room at the end of this season, thanks to the expiring contracts of Chucky Atkins, Lawrence Roberts, Dahntay Jones, and Scott Padgett. Who says the free agents will definitely come? Why wouldn't the Grizzlies become the Atlanta Hawks or the Chicago Bulls right after their six championships? And what marquee free agents would come to the Grizzlies?
I have said that I think that the Grizzlies need to trade Pau Gasol. I think he is a distraction. I think he wants out. But if the Grizzlies do indeed get the #1 draft pick and select Greg Oden, why wouldn't Pau change his tune? All of a sudden, you're looking at a Gay-Pau-Oden front line that's one of the best in the NBA immediately. You've still got Mike Miller, and hopefully you cuold go out and sign an above average point guard to start for you (someone like Mo Williams or Luke Ridnour).
The Grizzlies could be a playoff team in the future? Hooray, Chad. Pardon me while I break out the bubbly and light my victory cigar. This city is starving for a champion, not a playoff team.
The bottom line is this--Greg Oden or Kevin Durant would change the entire direction of the franchise. Pau Gasol is a very good player, but one who would thrive the most as a second option. Keep Pau unless you get a great deal in return...something involving either an unprotected first-rounder from Boston or Luol Deng and Ben Gordon/Kirk Hinrich from the Bulls. I know the fans are growing impatient at Jerry's seeming reluctance to pull off a deal, but at least in this case, it would be a smart move.

A Response

2007-02-21T10:16:00.000-06:00

After getting to work this morning and finding out that I was Public Enemy #1, I decided to read the comments on my blog, from various people. Here they are:
"That is probably the most amazingly uninformed and ignorant piece of trash "blog" that I've ever read in my life. You should go shoot yourself in the head."
And the second:

Holy crap...

I cannot believe what I just sat here and read.
You don't like the Tigers because us blue bleeding Tiger fans are "intolerable"...
Then going by that mindset, what in the bloody blue hell should the rest of the nation think about your Alabama Crimson Tide?
But that's beside the point for now. Do me a favor, Askew..
Go to memphistigers.org right now and find ONE post that even tries to defend Conference USA basketball.
We KNOW it sucks right now.
Is the SEC a better basketball league than Conference USA?
Without a doubt.
What exactly are you trying to get at, besides attempting to take some heat off Savoie..?
Note that I haven't taken the time to rip your post to shreds, which could very easily be done, as it is without a doubt the biggest pile of garbage I've read in quite some time.
I simply want to know what the point of this was.
Does the lack of your own show create that much of a need to get some attention tossed your way?
First of all, the first post is extremely offensive. I have many people who would be very upset if I shot myself, including a best friend who had someone close to him do the same. So I am, frankly, very offended by that comment. Not that anyone cares, because, as stated earlier, I am Public Enemy #1.
The second comment sounds like it came from a perfectly logical and intelligent human being. You'll never hear me defend Bama fans, who are lunatics. I have never and will never defend my fellow Bama fans. They are perhaps the most insane fans in the entire country.
The fact is, if I had to write the post over again, I would insert the phrase "who call in our station" after "their fans." And I would change the end, because I'm pretty sure that SMU, Rice, and UAB would run my Thursday church league out of the arena.
Perhaps if I heard what I think is probably the majority of Tiger fans on a daily basis...the ones who are intelligent...then I wouldn't have written this. I don't want to sound like anyone here, but I don't read the message boards, for this or any other team, even North Carolina or Alabama.
Perhaps Eli Savoie said it best in his blog..."Don't let a silly few represent all of you." And that goes for me too. Don't let my views let you think that this station hates the Tigers because I wrote this blog. Everyone at this station has their own opinions. Don't let my insanity detract from the perfect rationality of the other people on this station. And if you really hate me that bad, just remember...My show comes Saturday mornings from 8-10...and I was Scooter in the infamous Sports 56-Muppet Post. Scooter? Come on! At least let me be Beeker! Is Scooter even in the Muppet Babies?

"This bald chick. What's with her head?"

2007-02-20T16:57:00.000-06:00

"Issue number three: This bald chick - what's with her head? Let's start with the chick. What gives, cue ball? I'm looking at you, I'm thinking: fourteen in the side pocket!"

How Josh Heytvelt Saved Your Season

2007-02-20T15:53:00.000-06:00

Because Josh Heytvelt had shrooms in his gym bag, the Memphis Tigers will likely be a 3 seed in the NCAA Tournament.

The Tigers aren't one of the 12 best teams in the country, but they will have done enough come Selection Sunday to get a 3 seed. I'm with Eli Savoie--if the Tigers get a 2 seed, then it would be horribly unjust to teams with wins against quality opponents, something the Tigers have not done. Call me a Tiger hater, call me whatever you want.

The bottom line is, I don't particularly like the Tigers. Not because I have anything against their players. Not because I have anything against their coach, although I think his decision to reinstate Jeremy Hunt was a travesty, and only done because he knew he needed Hunt's senior leadership on a young team. No, I don't like the Tigers because their fans are intolerable. Everyone's always out to get them, area teams are scared to play them, and they would beat anyone who had the stones to take on the mighty Tigers. Hell, they should have gone undefeated this year.

But they didn't. They lost to Georgia Tech, a middle of the road ACC team. They lost by 18 to Tennessee, a middle of the road SEC team. They lost to Arizona, a middle of the road PAC-10 team. This tells me that they would likely be a middle of the road big conference team, who would get in to the tournament and be around 1 5-9 seed. Fortunately for the Tigers, they play in a pitiful conference. This conference isn't any good, and don't try to tell me it is.

So Tiger fans, stop talking nonsense, and saying that Eli Savoie is a Tiger-hater (which he's not), and saying that this station is out to get your beloved Tigers. Saying that we don't know how good they are because they still haven't beaten anyone is not hatred, it's fact. Look at the RPI. And before you start whining again about how everyone hates you and you get no respect, pull up the AP and USA Today polls, look at where you're ranked, and stop bitching. I'm tired of hearing it. And before you tell me that the Tigers would "waltz" through the SEC, look at who they've lost to, and thank your lucky stars they don't play in a real league with real basketball teams and fans. Take your 3 seed and be happy about it, and if your team is so great, then we'll see you in April. Otherwise, don't be surprised if this team loses early, because you've played no one better than my Thursday night church league team for the last 3 months.

Under Construction

2007-02-16T11:59:00.000-06:00

I've decided to completely remake my blog, and I promise you (if there are any of you), that when it comes back it will be better than ever. Until then, enjoy Peter Edmiston's fine work, and this picture.

People are Mean to Mitch Mustain

2007-01-25T08:10:00.000-06:00

Hello Mr. Interception King:

Are you having a good morning? I'm sure you are since your precious name is in the paper again. Why in the Starkville did you come to Arkansas? I've been a Hog fan since birth, and a season ticket holder since 1985, and my parents were before that. Who in the Starkville do you think you are? Do you really think because you just walked onto campus that you need to be the starting QB? Competition scares the crap out of you doesn't it little boy? This is the SEC for goodness sakes, and by watching you attempting to read defenses in the SEC, it is beyond evident that you were nowhere ready. Your completion to interception ratio was a joke, and you have zero leadership abilities. This isn't Springdale High School anymore, and you need to take your letter jacket off and realize that. This is the real world. Yes, you did win 8 games as a starter, but you were only starting at that point because Casey Dick was hurt. In winning those 8 games, you need to go back to the film room and see that the main reason those games were won was because of McFadden, Jones, the offensive line, and the play of the defense. You did hand the ball off pretty well. You also need to buy Marcus Monk some lunch for saving you another interception against Auburn since the ball was so underthrown. Every once in a blue moon you would throw a touchdown pass, but usually after 3 interceptions. I'm sure you have the talent to become an outstanding QB on the collegiate level, but I hope that it's not at Arkansas. You can win the Heisman for all I care, but please not as a Hog. Please transfer. All you've been since you walked onto campus is a cancer, and your mother is no exception.

You called Coach Nutt a "dork" in your article. Amazing. You know, I was sitting with a large group of people watching your interview that was aired on Game Day before the Tennessee game, you know, the interview where you had on those glasses that made you look like a fag? I'm sure you remember. Anyhow, everyone in that room started laughing, calling you the dork. Why is it that you came to Arkansas again? Was it so your mommie could be close by to change your diaper, or was it because you thought having your lover Gus on the sideline would make playing in the SEC easier? What a joke! Gus can't even adjust to the speed of the game in the SEC. Do you think Charlie Weis at Notre Dame would be putting up with your bull crap? God, do I ever wish you would have gone to Notre Dame. Too bad I'm not Coach Nutt today. If so, I'd be having Tim Cheney sew lace around your jock straps, but that would be after I let you hang out face to face in a private meeting with the offensive and defensive lineman - I think I'd even throw Butu in for the meeting. Did I mention that I want you to transfer? Helen Keller could read defenses in the SEC better than you.

Well, I've wasted enough time on you today. I'm sure it's time for your breast feeding. Did I mention that I want you to transfer. The next time you think you and your girls are bigger than any one program - you better think again. I would love for you to be able to have a lengthy conversation with Chris Simms, former QB with the Texas Longhorns. He arrived on campus his freshman year in a limo thinking he was the next All Everything, was a smart ass to his coaches, was selfish, pouty, and the prime example of what a "team" player is not. His teammates couldn't stand him, the fans grew to hate him, and he never won a championship. He was finally benched for a QB that had won the Big 12 player of the year award the year before. You see, he walked onto campus thinking the starting position should be handed to him without competition, and it was. He didn't bring it to practice everyday, he was quoted in newspapers showing his lack of character, he blamed everyone else when HE had a bad game..Sound familiar? He never EARNED the respect of his teammates, coaches, fans, etc.He too was a spoiled brat. He was nicknamed by everyone "The Golden Child" because that's what HE thought he was. Funny how the smaller, more competitive QB named Major Applewhite, with less credentials, came to lead them to a Big 12 Championship. Funny how that works isn't it?

Grow up little boy. Oh, by the way, did I mention that I want you to transfer?

Teresa

This is an email that an Arkansas fan sent to Mitch Mustain before he actually decided he wanted to leave Arkansas. Apparently "Teresa" has some pent-up agression.

Mustain wasn't the best freshman quarterback I've ever seen, to be certain. However, he did go 8-0 as a starter and he did beat Auburn 27-10. It's funny how quickly people can turn on Mustain, when last year they threw parties when he committed to Arkansas. This guy obviously has some talent--he was recruited by Miami, Michigan, Notre Dame, Florida, and Tennessee...he accounted for 54 TDs his senior year, and threw only 6 picks.

Sometimes in the course of our journey as college sports fans, we forget that the players on the teams that we watch are young men or women, and more importantly, human beings. I talk all the time about how a certain Alabama football player or North Carolina player "sucks," or is terrible, or call him various names when my team is losing that I would never call them to their face or say in front of my mother. Pro sports is different...these guys make millions of dollars in a lot of cases, and with that money comes some level of responsibility to perform and some accountability to ones actions on and off the court. College athletes, however, can't get paid for their services.

I remember when I was a freshman in college. I was arrogant, naive, and stupid. I thought I was the best pitcher to ever wear a uniform at Rhodes College, and I wasn't afraid to let everyone know it. And this was Rhodes. It wasn't at a school like Arkansas, who is the biggest thing in the entire state of Arkansas. Lynx fans didn't worship the ground that I walked on when I committed like Hog fans did to Mustain. The fact that the guy called Houston Nutt a "dork" is irrelevant. I called my coach much worse names than that. Look at the guy:

He is a dork. That's the dorkiest picture I've ever seen.

"Teresa," or whatever their name is, needs to remember that they sent this email to an 18 year old kid. I'm sure Teresa never did anything stupid when she was 18. And no one sent them an email calling them a fag and saying that she and her mentor were "lovers."

So grow up, Teresa, and get a damn life. If you have enough time to compose an opus and email it to your least favorite college quarterback, maybe you should spend some time doing something constructive instead of wallowing in the bottomless pit of your hate.

Tom Brady is a god. Not The God. I Don't Think.

2007-01-18T17:15:00.000-06:00

Tom Brady is playing in the AFC Championship game this weekend. He already has three Super Bowl rings, and two MVPs. Just when you thought his life couldn't get any better, Brady is now dating her:

If you don't know, that's Victoria's Secret model Gisele, who used to date Leo Dicaprio, and is one of the hottest women on the planet. I'm pretty sure if God is a woman, she wants to hook up with Tom Brady. He's the closest thing to Zeus since ancient Greece. The only way Tom Brady's life could get any better is if he cured cancer and struck Osama Bin Laden dead with a lightning bolt from his eyes. Thank God my girlfriend doesn't really know who he is. I don't think I'll watch the AFC Championship with her, for fear of Tom Brady's mystical power over the opposite sex and complete superiority over the rest of the male gender. Not that I'm worried that she'd like him more than me. But you better stay away, Brady.

I hate Indianapolis and New England

2007-01-15T11:45:00.000-06:00

Over the weekend, the biggest story was the NFL Playoffs, in which every team that I wanted to win lost (except for the Saints). If I root for you, it was the kiss of death over the weekend (see Carolina, North, Chargers, San Diego, Ravens, Baltimore, and Seahawks, Seattle).

First of all, the Colts game. It bothers me that Peyton Manning continues to choke in big games. He threw 2 picks on Saturday, which really should have been four...Ray Lewis actually played defense against his own players. So far this postseason, Manning has 1 TD and 5 picks. Fortunately for Peyton, his defense has come to play. They have completely shut down both Baltimore and Kansas City, and now face a Patriots team that looked awful on offense yesterday.
By the way, kudos to San Diego for completely crapping the bed yesterday. How many times are you going to try and give the game away? Marlon McCree, Eric Parker, Drayton Florence...what are you doing? LT completely dominated this game...he had 187 all purpose yards and 2 TDs. Yet the Patriots "Mystique," which I guess means other teams completely melt down when playing them, means I have to see the same tired two teams in the AFC Championship Game that have been around forever.

I may not even watch it.

Meanwhile, in the NFC, as bad as it is, at least it's going to be fun to watch. If you're not pulling for New Orleans to make it to the Super Bowl, you're clearly anti-poor people. GEAUX SAINTS!

--By the way, if you ever doubted Jeff Weinberger was a moron, I give you this direct quote from Friday night's game:
"Rico Suave is one of the top three rap songs of all time."
That's actually what he said. He lost whatever credibility he had with that one. Watch it and judge for yourself.
--Meanwhile, the shine came off Barone Ball, as the Grizzlies were dominated at home by Minnesota, then utterly embarrassed by Chicago (who, by the way, were without two starters). Though I love the Martin Luther King Day game perhaps more than any other event all year in Memphis, the Grizzlies may lose by 30 tonight to Phoenix.
--On a slightly related note, Martin Luther King, Jr. is, in my opinion, the Greatest American That's Ever Lived.
Will's Top 6 Americans Ever:
1. MLK, Jr.
2. Abraham Lincoln
3. George Washington
4. James Madison
5. Susan B. Anthony
6. Thomas Jefferson
Clearly, these are up for debate. The top 2 are perhaps the greatest orators in the history of our country...the next two are two of the Founding Fathers...And the reason I put Madison on my list is that he was the genius behind the Constitution of the United States of America, which I believe is the 2nd greatest document ever written. Anthony was perhaps the most instrumental figure in the Women's Suffrage Movement, which empowered women, and Jefferson was perhaps the very definition (other than DaVinci) of a Renaissance Man...not Danny DeVito.

Go to the Grizzlies game tonight. If you can't, watch it. Celebrate the man who did more for the downtrodden than anyone else in the history of our country.

Almost the weekend, you stupid b%$#tch.

2007-01-12T12:10:00.000-06:00

--Four great games in the NFL Playoffs this weekend...Colts at Baltimore, New England at San Diego, Seahawks at Bears, Eagles at New Orleans.

I went 3-1 in my picks last week, losing only the Kansas City-Indy game...So here goes:

Baltimore 24, Indy 20--We've reached the point in the playoffs where Peyton Manning starts to suck, although he managed to get past Ty Law last week. Too bad he has to take on Ed Reed, Samari Rolle, and Chris McAllister this week. Baltimore's offense is just good enough to get it done.

San Diego 21, New England 17--This is my shakiest pick of the week, only because past experience tells me that Bill Belichick: Marty Schottenheimer as Leonardo DaVinci: a child fingerpainter. But the Chargers do have the best football player in the world, and that has to count for something.

Seattle 27, Chicago 24--Everyone thinks the Bears are going to waltz in this one, but I am not counting the Hawks out. Rex Grossman has the advantage of facing a MASH unit secondary, but the Bears defense without Tommie Harris is not as good as it was before. Watch out for Tank Johnson though...you don't want to piss that guy off.

New Orleans 30, Philly 24--The homefield advantage this week in New Orleans will be staggering, and I think that will be enough to carry the Saints, even though the Eagles are hot.

--The Grizzlies go for a victory over the T-Wolves tonight at FedEx Forum. The Grizz certainly are more fun to watch than they were under Fratello. Of course, I would rather watch a "Cop Rock" marathon than watch a Fratello-coached team play basketball. Tony Barone is .500 right now as the head coach of the Grizzlies, but he has benefitted from a 5-game homestand and a schedule that has included creampuffs--the Warriors were without Jason Richardson, the Celtics without Paul Pierce, the Spurs without Tony Parker, and the Lakers without Lamar Odom. I think that now you will see the true Grizzlies...they're just not very good. Although the win over the Lakers was tremendous. Barone is a good fit for the Grizz right now...the team is playing an entertaining style. Hopefully that won't cost us a shot at Greg Oden or Kevin Durant.
--A couple of Alabama notes--indulge me. Major Applewhite will be the new QB coach at Alabama.
Also, a rumored story from the early days of Saban...apparently Saban was touring the facilities with Mal Moore. The two enter the Crimson Tide’s enormous weight room, complete with televisions along the wall and a squad of weight room attendants. Saban tells Moore these is the nicest weight room he’s ever seen, and then asks if there’s a 24-hour attendant on duty. Moore says there is; Saban asks for him.

Saban then spoke with the attendant.

Saban: “Hi, I’m Nick Saban, the new football coach here. Nice to meet you.”

Attendant: “Hi, I’m (weight room attendant guy we’ll call Cletus for no particular reason.) ”

Saban: “You see those tvs along the wall?”

Attendant Cletus: “Yes, sir?”

Saban: “I want those turned off at 7 a.m. sharp every day. This is a weight room. It’s a place to work, not to watch Days of Our Lives.”

Thanks to EDSBS for the story. It's nice to have a badass as our new head coach.

I guess I have to buy my girlfriend a soccer jersey...

2007-01-11T17:44:00.000-06:00

A bit of good news if you're an American who likes soccer or a girl age 10-30...David Beckham signed to the richest contract in American sports history with the LA Galaxy of the MLS.

5 years, $250 million. Since he is clearly not as good on the field as he once was, this is more a marketing move than anything else.

This means a few things:
1. Soccer in America--more specifically, MLS merchandising--just got a big booster shot. You'll probably be seeing a lot of these around, most likely on any female soccer fan:

2. Look for MLS to get a major TV contract out of this deal. Though it has a deal with ESPN/ESPN2/ABC and HDNet, expect to see a lot more soccer on your television when Beckham begins his deal.
3. You better pay attention, because your girlfriend will probably be a big soccer fan now.
4. It will now be okay to be obsessive compulsive. Beckham has OCD, much like USA's Monk. Only Beckham is fawned over by every female in the world, while Tony Shalhoub, well, looks like Tony Shalhoub.

This has been rumored for a while, and it finally came to fruition today...I can only hope that my ability to do something pretty well combined with my unbelievable good looks will one day mean a $50 million/year contract somewhere.

Is Coach K's Back Sore?

2007-01-11T11:18:00.000-06:00

Few things in life make me happier than a Duke loss, which they did last last night to Georgia Tech. Playing their first road game of the season (!!!!!) on January 10th, two days short of 2 months into the season, the Dookies fell to the Jackets 74-63. Duke simply isn't as good as they have been in years past. Their point guard is erratic. Greg Paulus in the last two games has a combined 6 points, 4 assists, and 9 turnovers. Their superstar isn't really a true superstar. Josh McRoberts, more heralded than Tyler Hansbrough out of high school, is averaging 12.8 ppg and 7.9 rpg in 34.4 minutes...Compare that to Hansbrough, who is averaging 18.6 ppg and 7.8 rpg, but in 28.7 minutes. Their freshman class isn't very good--Scheyer, Zoubek, and Henderson, while highly recruited, aren't performing up to their hype.
The bottom line is that this Duke team simply isn't all that good. They are at best a 3 seed, at worst a 7 or an 8. Now that they have started playing their ACC schedule, where they have to leave the confines of the cesspool that is Cameron Indoor, expect a lot of road losses.

I love seeing a Dookie get hit in the face with a bow.

Only one question remains--How long until Coach K develops back pain or faints on the court?

Another reason to hate Coach K.

Meanwhile, down the road from Durham in Chapel Hill, North Carolina wins again...this time in a close one against Virginia. Which brings me to my next point. As fun as it is to see your team with #1 beside its name, I really don't like North Carolina being the top-ranked team in the country. You always get every team's best shot.

Will's Bracket Breakdown (as of January 11th):
#1 Seeds:
North Carolina (15-1)--Expect North Carolina to lose at least 2, possibly 3 more games. But it's clear they're one of the best teams in the country.
Florida (15-2)--I still maintain that when Florida plays its best basketball, no one can beat them. I defy you to watch a tape of the 2nd half of the Ohio State game and tell me you disagree.
UCLA (14-1)--The best defensive team in the country, but for smoe reason I don't think they can go all the way. I don't think they're strong enough inside.
Wisconsin (16-1)--For some reason, I can't watch this team play. And how long has Alondo Tucker been in college? Is he on the Rodney Newsom plan?
#2 Seeds:
Ohio State (13-3)--I think that they may be a 1 when all is said and done. Need to get Oden's wrist healthy before they're a serious contender.
Kansas (14-2)--Looked pretty damn impressive last night against Oklahoma St., but Bill Self has to convince me he can win in the tournament.
Pitt (15-2)--Possibly the most boring good team I've ever seen. Along with Wisconsin.
Arizona (12-2)--I expect this to be one of the teams to beat Carolina, seeing as how they've got them at home. An extremely talented starting five, but after that, questions.
#3 Seeds:
Alabama (14-2)--Simply weren't ready to play against Arkansas, but looked very good against LSU. Don't know what to think of the Tide just yet.
Texas A&M (14-2)--Bet you didn't know they were any good. If you can name more than one player in this team (without looking it up), I'll give you a cookie.
Oklahoma State (15-2)--Got absolutely hammered last night. I don't think they're all that great.
Clemson (17-0)--Wait, Clemson is good? We'll learn a lot about them in their next two games--at Maryland, at home against North Carolina.
#4 Seeds:
Who cares? After the 3 seeds, you're in the Butler/LSU/Oregon/Air Force range. In my mind, there are about 10 teams that are great, and everyone else is mediocre.

Now that college football is over, we can focus on important things like college basketball. And Julie.

Live Blog, Grizzlies-Lakers

2007-01-10T10:10:00.000-06:00

So I went to the Grizzlies-Lakers game last night to watch the Grizzlies and the Lakers. I didn't really have a reason to go other than to get my full-season media pass, which Stacey Mitch was so diligent in acquiring (by the way, thanks Stacey).
Pregame:
--It's amazing how many people come just to see Kobe Bryant. It's like a concert. The closet Laker fans seem to be back...they left for a couple of years when the Grizzlies were actually good.
--Vladimir Radmanovic looks more and more like an Eastern European terrorist every time I see him. Almost as much as Peter Edmiston's driver's license picture.

--The Grizzlies were introduced to the sweet sounds of the Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane." Did we stop buying music in 1982? Could we not find the Cyndi Lauper CD?

1st Quarter:
--Rudy Gay comnes out guarding Kobe. He may score 80.
--10:34: How does a team that scores 144 points in a game get a shot clock violation?
--8:10: Kobe gets a dunk blocked by Rudy Gay, and the crowd actually boos. Is this the Staples Center? Did I unknowingly hop a plane to LA? And if so, where are the Laker Girls?
--6:27: Jimmy Sexton arrives, wearing a new blazer, which henceforth we will call Sexton's "Saban Jacket."
--5:38: During the under 6:00 timeout, Phil Jackson spends about 1:45 standing in the middle of the court. He gets a solid 10 seconds of talking to his team in before the timeout.
--4:13: Grizzlies have 6 TO in 8 minutes of play. Barone Ball!!
--4:06: The Grizzlies Dance Team does a dance to Sexyback that does less for me than actually watching Timberlake's video. What does that mean?
--2:36: HAK!!
--1:30: It's official--Dahntay Jones is the worst offensive player in the NBA.
--25.0: More evidence of the preceding comment.

2nd Quarter:
--Peter Edmiston has just given me a task of coming up with my All Time Most Hated Duke Team. That's like asking me which al Qaeda member I hate the most. But, here goes--
PG-Wojo: Never has one player been more annoying than Wojo. It's like God created Wojo to annoy UNC fans.
Backups-Bobby Hurley, Chris Duhon: Hurley is Peter's most hate Dookie, which I completely understand. Duhon beat Carolina a few years ago with a coast to coast layup. I hate him.
SG: JJ Redick: I hate him. The Roanoke Dazzle just called...they will actually give you playing time.
Backups-Dahntay Jones, Jeff Capel, Thomas Hill: Perhaps the most hateable position in the Duke Pantheon-Weinberger asks me how I could possibly hate Thomas Hill with his "infectious smile." After vomiting in my mouth, I answer, "Because he's a crying bitch."
SF: Chris Carrawell: More annoying in the fact that I knew he was never going to amount to anything in basketball, but he was good in college. Much like
Backups- Nate James, Shane Battier: Carrawell=Nate James. Battier has singlehandedly revolutionized the art of the flop to the point where every time someone falls backward on defense, it's an offensive foul.
PF: Laettner: No-brainer.
Backups-Shavlik Randolph, Elton Brand: Brand still has nightmares about trying to guard Antawn Jamison in college.
C: Shelden Williams: Perhaps the most overrated player in the history of Duke. Blocked all kind of shots and dominated the weak Duke nonconference schedule, then was torn apart by good players (see May, Sean).
Backup-Carlos Boozer: Whatever recruiting or financial connection that K has in Alaska to get Boozer and Trajan Langdon should be looked into.
--Now that that's taken half the second quarter...
--8:48: The Lakers get so little instruction during timeouts that they actually clap for Honoring the Military Families.
--6:28: SASHA!!
--5:57: The Junior Grizzlies Dancers do a routine to "Do Ya Chain Hang Low?" They actually might be as good as the regular dance team.
--3:51: Julie, who is the hottest dancer, just told me to vote for her.

--20.0: Kobe got pissed after his shot was blocked and put a sick move on Tarrance Kinsey and then threw a dunk down. Why Kinsey is guarding Kobe Bryant remains a mystery.

Halftime:
The halftime show tonight is Quick Change, which I've seen tens of times and still don't understand. It is the most amazing halftime show I've ever seen. Check out the videos on the website, and tell me how they do that.

3rd Quarter:
--The Grizzlies come out on fire, and around the 7:05 mark, Kobe looks like he's going to drag his teammates out of the arena and shoot them publicly.
--5:15: For the last few possessions, the Lakers won't pass the ball to Kobe. ??
--2:34: The Lakers look like they've given up and are now being run out of the arena by the Grizz, who must have gotten a hell of a halftime speech from Tony. By the way, with Calipari and Barone on the bench, the Memphis basketball coaches look like they could be on The Sopranos. I'm just saying what you were thinking.
--End of Quarter: The Grizz shot 72% that quarter and outscored the Lakers 46-22. My goodness.

4th Quarter:
--I'll never get tired of the pre-4th Quarter video montage where Tsakalidis says, "Isgemtime."
--9:12:Rony Turiaf fouls out of the game...it's really hard not to like that guy.
--8:55: The Grizz Dance Team does another routine, this time to a horrible song. At the same time, my girlfriend calls and wonders when I'm going to be done. This seems like a good time to leave.
--5:00: Somehow, the Lakers have cut the lead down to 11 with Maurice Evans leading the charge...Who?
--2:30: Grizz put it away, but Mike Miller and Pau are still on the floor for some reason. By the way, Kobe has not played at all in the 4th.
--End of game: Barone 128, Lakers 118. When you look back at this game, it's going to be one where you thought you would lose. Hopefully, that won't cost the Grizzlies Oden or Durant.

Next time, maybe I'll stay until the end of the game.

Umm, that was a beatdown.

2007-01-09T11:36:00.000-06:00

So after watching the phenomenal ass-kicking that was the BCS National Championship game last night, I am reminded of a similar matchup back on New Year's Day, 1992 when Alabama played Miami in the Sugar Bowl. Both Ohio State and Miami had offenses that many thought could not be stopped...both had very good defenses. Troy Smith, like Gino Torretta before him, could not deal with the spectacular defense that he opposed in the National Championship game.

The only difference, in my opinion, between the '92 game and last night's game was the fact that Alabama's offense wasn't even close to Florida's offense, and Alabama's defense was better than Florida's...at least in my opinion.
All of this being said, there is no way anyone saw this coming. All of the people coming out of the woodwork today saying that they knew this was going to happen...BS. No way.
That was a battle of the best-prepared team of the bowl season (Florida) and one of the worst-prepared team's I've ever seen in a bowl (Ohio State). Urban Meyer completely outcoached Jim Tressell in this game. Which brings me to my
New, Post-Nick Saban SEC coach Rankings:
12. Sylvester Croom--Hasn't shown me anything in his tenure at Mississippi State. Hasn't recruited, hasn't coached particularly well...long story short, I'm glad that Alabama didn't hire him.
11. Rich Brooks--Lucky he had a good season this year so he still has a job.
10. Ed Orgeron--A great recruiter, as evidenced by his class last year and his class this year. Still a crazy bastard though. And I'm not sure how great an Xs and Os guy he is, either.
9. Houston Nutt--A terrible, terrible coach. In my opinion. Got the top QB in the nation last year and consequently put in the worst QB I have ever seen (Casey Dick) in the lineup when he was healthy. And Dick's a redshirt freshman.
8. Bobby Johnson--Gets a bad rap because he's at Vandy, where it's extremely hard to recruit good players. Has his team in the game always, though, and barely lost to Arkansas, Florida, and Bama in addition to being pretty good last year.
7. Phil Fulmer--A great recruiter, but never changes his staff. Ever.
6. Les Miles--Has won big, but with Nick Saban's talent. When he gets his own players in there, I'll be interested to see how he does.
5. Steve Spurrier--Still a genius, but doesn't recruit as hard as he used to. They're not going to be serious contenders for the East anytime soon.
4. Mark Richt--Boring, but a great coach.
3. Tommy Tuberville--With a real coach at Alabama, it will be interesting to see how he recruits in state.
2. Nick Saban--Brings instant credibility to a school that desperately needs it. A great recruiter (look at LSU's team right now) and a great coach. In college.
1. Urban Meyer--I don't think anyone who watched last night would dispute this. And he's just getting started.

So Florida is the defending national football champion and the defending national basketball champion. Until North Carolina wins it this year. Congratulations to the Gators.

Over the weekend, you stupid b(%*tch.

2007-01-08T10:43:00.000-06:00

Thought it better to just post a video link than try to explain the title.

I'm compiling a list of the top 10 Saturday Night Live skits of all time, as voted on by the staff at Sports 56. So look for that soon, like the live blog of me watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show with my girlfriend.

--It was my brother's 20th birthday on Saturday, and what better birthday present than both Duke and UCLA losing. And nothing makes this man happier than seeing Duke lose...or Greg Paulus get something in his face:
Duke is extremely overrated this year. They played a soft nonconference schedule--all at home, by the way--and have no true scorers on their team. They will make the tournament as a 3 or 4 seed on will be out early. The only thing that could make the weekend better? A Carolina win--which they did last night by 26 over a pretty good Florida State team. I would argue that this Carolina team has more talent than the one that won the championship two years ago; most teams have about 6 scrubs at the end of the bench that never get in the game...Carolina has 2. Everyone else on that team can play. Expect UNC to be #1 when the new rankings come out.
--Bobby Petrino is taking the head coaching gig in Atlanta, where he will be the latest head coach from college to fail in the NFL. I have to say, Rich Rodriguez has had a damn good month or so...he gets a raise and facilities upgrades from West Virginia, then his main rival in the Big East bolts for the NFL...whoever Louisville gets to replace Petrino won't be as good a coach, that much is for certain. Expect West Virginia in the BCS from here until further notice.
--Here you go, Cowboy fans.--The Grizzlies are doing it with smoke and mirrors, an San Antonio exposed them for what they are yesterday--a terrible basketball team. They are nothing more than a sideshow right now, and if you think the Grizzlies as they are can win playing no defense, you are sorely mistaken.
--The National Championship game is tonight...here is my preview:
Everyone expects Florida to get crushed tonight, which probably means that they will either win or lose in a very close manner. I think that Ohio State's offense is slightly better than Florida's, and I think Florida's defense is slightly better than Ohio State's. The key to me is special teams, and Florida's kicker sucks. FINAL SCORE: Ohio State 24, Florida 21. Florida misses a field goal, Ohio State doesn't. Buckeyes win.
--Here is something that will make you laugh .

LSU Just Scored Again

2007-01-04T17:37:00.000-06:00

So the man-beast that is Jamarcus Russell and the LSU Tigers beat the fraud that is Notre Dame's football team 41-14. Let the record show that I hate both of these schools. For two completely different reasons.

LSU:
In my mind, about 95-97% of LSU fans are drunken idiots. And they all are the same type of drunk. There are many different types of drunk people...they can be giddy, horny, sleepy, funny, or belligerent. Unfortunately, almost all LSU fans fit into the last, and worst category. LSU fans are the guys who set their alarm for 9:30 to start drinking for a primetime, 6:45 ESPN game. By the time of kickoff, they've already puked and rallied twice, and the entire stadium smells like a Jack Daniels bottle spilled on your kitchen floor. They always carry flasks into the game, and scream obscenities and get in fights before, after, and during the game.

Notre Dame:
Notre Dame is the Duke of college football. They think they are better than you, act like it, and don't care if you know they think it. They cruise through an overrated schedule every year, play two tough games that they normally lose (Michigan and USC) and then get into a BCS bowl game because they're Notre Dame. All of their games are on TV, no matter how ridiculous they are (i.e. all service academies). They scream about "Touchdown Jesus" and Rudy and Knute Rockne, even though few fans have ever actually been to a game there, know who Knute Rockne is, and actually know that Rudy is not Sam Gamgee.

So anyway, a severe conflict of interests for me, to say the least. Jamarcus Russell was clearly the best quarterback on the field, not everybody's darling Brady Quinn, who seems to save his worst performances for the biggest games. Notre Dame's defense is atrocious. This was the easiest bet of the bowl season. The thing I was most excited about after this game was the fact that basically all the players for LSU in this game were recruited by Nick Saban.

Conclusion--Notre Dame is a fraud, and always will be.

A few random thoughts:
--Don't be surprised if Florida wins the National Championship. This is the best defense that Ohio State has played all year, as evidenced by USC picking apart Michigan's secondary.
--Stromile Swift is actually playing good basketball! Wow. That's because he's dumb, and the new coaching staff isn't giving him anything to process. They're simply saying, "Go out there, run and jump. That's all we need you to do." Fortunately for Stromile, plays are nonexistent in the new offense.
--The Randy Johnson trade is the least meaningful big story in recent memory. The guy's done. Although I do think he'll be better in Arizona again than he was in New York. I knew from day one he was not cut out for the Yankees.
--Somehow, Appalachian State is ranked 6th in the RPI right now, even though they've lost three games and were beaten by 30 at Clemson. The RPI makes absolutely no sense before February 1st.
--NFL Playoff Picks for the weekend:
Kansas City 30, Indianapolis 27--Sucks for Indy that they got possibly the worst matchup they could possibly get in the first round, with Larry Johnson and the Chiefs facing Indy, who is almost comically inept at stopping the run. But don't count Manning out, as the first round is one round before he starts sucking.

Seattle 30, Dallas 17--Dallas has totally come unglued, and I really think Seattle could be a team that advances to the Super Bowl, even though they've been wildly inconsistent this year. Hasselbeck is getting healthy, Alexander is healthy, Seattle wins easily.

Patriots 34, Jets 14--It was fun for the Great Mangini to beat New England in the regular season. The playoffs are a different matter.

Philly 27, NYG 24--A lot closer than everyone thinks, because no one is giving the Giants a chance. Eli Manning has to be more consistent for them to win...so they won't.

--My boy Jake Peavy got arrested this morning for disorderly conduct charges. According to Dan Lebatard, the Padres are now the favorite to win the World Series because they had a player arrested.

Will Recovered, Ranting

2007-01-03T15:49:00.000-06:00

It takes a lot for me to write two posts in one day. But, so it goes.

I've heard media types all day say how much of a liar that Nick Saban is, how he has no integrity, and ripping on him incessantly. I'm talking to you, Woloshin.

I'm tired of it.

Should he have answered the question differently? Yes. Could he have answered the question differently without inciting rampant speculation that he was considering the Alabama job in the middle of the season? Probably. But to call the guy a liar and just rip him without mercy is absurd.

Here are the facts. Nick Saban's agent was contacted by Alabama in the middle of the season. Alabama was told that Saban wasn't interested in the job. Alabama consequently went after Rich Rodriguez, who turned them down. Saban coached out the rest of the season, went 6-10, and didn't make the playoffs with the Dolphins. Alabama, having been turned down by their guy, decided to try and make a run at their first choice again. They came back to Saban with a huge offer. Saban missed the college game, missed the small town atmosphere, and wanted to please his wife. So he reconsidered, and accepted the job at Alabama.

I fail to see how that makes Saban the biggest liar in the history of humanity. Should he have answered the question differently? Probably. But to crucify this guy is ridiculous.

The most telling aspect of all this is that Huizenga, the one guy who should be upset that Saban left, is not upset at all. He did everything to get Saban to come to the pros...waited on a tarmac for two days for Saban, made him coach and GM, and complied with every demand that Saban made to get him to be the coach of the Dolphins...yet today, here's what you heard from Huizenga:
"I'm not upset, because it's more involved than you might think."
"I've been through this with Nick for quite some time now, and I feel the pain and so forth and so on of Nick and Terry, and it's not a simple thing. I think Nick's great. I'll be Nick's biggest fan."

THAT BASTARD!!! How could he lie like this! Oh the humanity!

This crucifixion of Saban coming from the same guy who defends John Calipari's decision to reinstate Jeremy Hunt to the the death. Wait, Dave, didn't Calipari originally say that Hunt had been permanently dismissed? And he put him back on the team?

You can't have it both ways, Dave.

Saban to Alabama; Will has Heart Attack

2007-01-03T11:54:00.000-06:00

MEMPHIS, Tn.-- After a long and exhausting coaching search that left him drained, cynical, and questioning his loyalty to the Crimson Tide, Will Askew is in recovery after the University of Alabama today hired former Dolphins head coach Nick Saban as their new head football coach. The contract is believed to be in the area of 8 years and worth around $32 million. "Quite honestly, I could give a @#$% about the money. I'm not paying it," said Askew, who was seen lying down with a cold rag on his head and looking extraordinarily pale.
Alabama has done nothing right since 1996, when Gene Stallings retired as the head coach. The Tide turned to Mike Dubose, who had an affair with a secretary and oversaw a program that was almost given the death penalty. After Dubose was asked to leave, the Tide turned to Dennis Franchione, who Tide fans now affectionately refer to as [expletive deleted]. After Franchione left for Texas A&M, the Tide hired Mike Price, who celebrated getting his dream job by heading to a Pensacola strip club and allegedly taking a stripper who looked like a dude back to his hotel room for a night of fun and frivolity. When reached for comment, Price said, "It's rolling, baby!" When asked about his decision to fire Price, Alabama AD Mal Moore said, "I didn't fire him because he went to the strip club...Did you see that woman? We here at Alabama think that fraternizing with strippers who look like dudes is unacceptable. Mike was not fired because he went to a strip club...instead, it was his taste in women."
Rocked by scandal and in the middle of NCAA-imposed sanctions, the Tide turned to Mike Shula, son of legendary Miami Dolphins' head coach Don Shula. Unfortunately for the university, the younger Shula was not quite as good a coach as his father, who holds the all time record for NFL wins. The younger Shula holds the all-time record in the NCAA for occurences of the "Mike Shula face," used normally after close late losses or Leigh Tiffin's 15th missed kick of the second half.
This face was seen more than 1,000 ties on the Alabama sidelines and at the podium. The Tide fired Mike Shula after he went 6-6 and lost to Auburn for the fourth straight time.
After an exhausting coaching search that made it look like Moore didn't know what the hell was going on--ever--the Tide hired Saban, who was their first choice all along. When reached for comment, Moore exclaimed, "Bet you thought I didn't know what I was doing, didn't you!? Well, you were right! But somehow, it worked out!"
Saban going to Alabama has already caused irrational people all over the state to come out of the woodwork, with Paul Finebaum already saying that the Tide will win a National Championship within four years. Somehow, this man is the biggest media personality in Alabama.
Askew, meanwhile, is expected to take weeks to recover.

Winners and Losers from the Hire:

Winners:
Jimmy Sexton--$$$$$$$$$$$$. Congrats, Jimmy.

Nick Saban--Unlimited job security, highest-paid coach in college football. Could be there the rest of his career...if he's not the Larry Brown of football, that is.

Mal Moore--Goes from being a complete idiot to statewide hero. News for you--still an idiot. But a lucky one.

Alabama Fans--Got everyone's #1 choice, and a guy who brings instant credibility to your program because of his name and track record.

Every Radio Host in the South--Easy shows today, fellas. Just throw it out and wait for calls.

The LSU-Alabama and Alabama-Auburn rivalries--Both just got a whole lot juicier.

Losers:
Nick Saban's image around the NFL--People now think of him as a liar and the Larry Brown of football. Should I care? No.

Tommy Tuberville--Let's see how you do against someone who can actually coach, Big Ears.

Phil Fulmer--Ditto. Except substitute "Pumpkin" for "Big Ears."

Every school in the SEC West--The sleeping giant could be awake. Look out.

Does anyone want the job?

2006-12-13T12:34:00.000-06:00

Nothing has come out over the last few days about the Alabama head coaching search ever since the atrocity that was the attempted hiring of Rodriguez. A name that has surfaced in the last couple of days is Jon Gruden, whom I would love at Alabama. Wasn't long ago that he was among the great coaches in the NFL. The only problem with him is that he's an NFL guy and presumably he would head back to the pros if given the opportunity.

So my rankings of viable candidates as of Wednesday, December 13th, 2006 looks something like this--
1. Jon Gruden--will likely lose his job in Tampa Bay after the travesty that this season has been.
2. Gary Patterson--has been a consistent winner at a place where it is almost impossible to recruit good players (TCU), is young, charismatic, and an excellent coach. Will the fact that he was Fran's defensive coordinator have any impact?
3. Paul Johnson--has been a winner wherever he has been, including Navy, which is extremely difficult to win at.
4. Lane Kiffin--Still say getting an infusion of some USC blood at Bama would be a good thing.
5. Bo Pellini--has made the LSU defense a force in the SEC and nationally...plus it would weaken a team that owns Alabama at the moment.

Here's a picture of Jessica Alba to distract me from the fact that this whole process is depressing.

Disappointed, but Not Surprised

2006-12-08T14:43:00.000-06:00

When I was a kid, I would go over to my grandfather's condo on Yates and watch college football. We would play golf on Saturday morning and then go home to watch the Alabama football game that afternoon or evening. We took trips to visit our aunts, uncles, and cousins in Tuscaloosa to see them, the town of my mother's birth, and the place where my grandfather and grandmother fell in love--the Tuscaloosa train station--as my grandfather went to fight in WWII. As I continued to grow up, Alabama was dominant more often than not, running off ten straight wins against Tennessee and winning a national title in dominant fashion in 1992.

Maybe he was their good luck charm. Since my grandfather died in 1995, I've been nothing but embarrassed of Alabama.

The decision by Rich Rodriguez to stay at West Virginia is just the latest in a way too long line of, to borrow a phrase from Tommy Boy, huge embarrassing failures for the Alabama football program. Since Gene Stallings left in 1996, they have had:
Mike Dubose--accused of sexually harrassing a secretary, in addition to presiding over a program that committed NCAA violations that almost got the Crimson Tide the death penalty.
Dennis Franchione--left Alabama because he was scared of more sanctions by the NCAA, lying his way out of town to go to Texas A&M (!!!).
Mike Price--got in trouble for a lot of alleged actions at a strip club in Pensacola ("It's rolling, baby!") before ever coaching a game for Alabama.
Mike Shula--didn't get enough credit for taking the Tide through the darkest days of the program honestly. But who cares, right? His offense is boring!
Logan Young--a "booster" who has single-handedly ruined the program enough to where it is now a national laughingstock. Logan Young may have given a lot of money to the Alabama program over the years, but his actions with regards to Albert Means (and who knows how many others) make him my Public Enemy #1.

A staggering string of failures, to say nothing of losing to Auburn 5 straight times, not being able to beat LSU or Tennessee on a consistent basis, and not being able to hire either the first, second, or third choice in your last two coaching searches.

Alabama--both the athletic department and the fans--need to take a long, hard look at themselves. Mal Moore needs to go. President Witt and Paul Bryant, Jr. need to get off their high horse. Alabama fans need to get off the next coach's ass and let him coach the team. They also need to realize that it is partly their fault that no coach is willing to take it...no coach wants so much pressure that they can't focus on their job.

At any rate, today I feel embarrassed to be an Alabama fan. For the last decade +, my favorite college football team has made me nothing but ashamed to be a fan of them. And I'm getting tired of it.

Rodriguez offered Bama Job; Will in Disbelief

2006-12-07T16:36:00.000-06:00

Alabama has apparently offered their vacant head coaching position to West Virginia's Rich Rodriguez, whom I would love at Bama. Last week I encouraged Bama to look at Lane Kiffin at USC, ONLY if they couldn't get Rich Rodriguez. Now, West Virginia is his alma mater, and certainly Rodriguez's teams would be at or near the top of the Big East for years to come. However, if Alabama has offered double the amount of money that West Virginia is currently paying him ($1.1 with the possibility of an extra $400 K in bonuses) AND pay his $2 million buyout, then I would say it's a done deal. Money talks, after all. And we all know that Alabama has the financial resources to offer such a deal (rumors were that they offered $4 million a year to Spurrier and $5 million a year to Saban). So we wait, and refresh tidesports.com until they post a headline saying that R-Rod has accepted, or they post saying that he has declined.

If he declines, I go back to my Lane Kiffin strategy. There's not another guy that's already a head coach that I think they will get.

My next blog will be a live blog of my watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on Tivo. Tune in later on tonight for that one. should be epic.

A Modest Proposal

2006-11-29T11:34:00.000-06:00

So it's only been two days since Alabama fired their coach, and I've already changed my mind completely about who they should go after.

They're not getting Saban.

They're not getting Spurrier.

They're probably not getting Petrino.

Which leaves, in my mind, three options. You go with a proven winner (Rich Rodriguez). The problem with that strategy is that I don't know if you can lure him away from West Virginia. Let's face it. The guy can dominate the Big East for years along with Louisville. Why would he take a tougher job in Alabama?

If you can't get Rodriguez, the second strategy is to go with a small school head coach that appears to be on the rise. Guys like Jim Grobe, Greg Schiano, and Steve Kraigthorpe come to mind. I'm not a great proponent of this strategy for whatever reason. I just don't think that these guys who are at smaller schools are cut out for bigger jobs. Which brings me to strategy number 3.

Go for a coordinator of a major, successful program. And no program is more successful than USC. So...I will ask the question...If Rick Rodriguez says no, who should the Tide turn their attention to?

Lane Kiffin.

Who is Lane Kiffin, you ask? He is the offensive coordinator/recruiting coordinator of USC. He is only 31 years old, is the son of NFL assisstant Monte Kiffin, and is widely praised as both a great offensive mind and a great recruiter.

Alabama has to get this hire right. They can't go with a guy who has no coordinator experience (i.e. Ed Orgeron), so I believe that Kiffin should be their second choice. Remember, this is only if they can't get Bobby Petrino or Rich Rodriguez. A few years ago, Oklahoma took a chance on a defensive coordinator from Florida named Bob Stoops. They have been a college football powerhouse ever since.

One of my good friends told me yesterday that Alabama needed to make a big splash with this hire. I disagree. More so than making a big splash, they need to hire a good coach. I believe that good coach is Lane Kiffin.

An Alabama Fan is Honest with Himself

2006-11-27T14:51:00.000-06:00

Alabama has fired Mike Shula after a 6-6 season, basically telling him to get the hell out of dodge and handing the interim job to Joe Kines, who has done a hell of a job over the last few years with the defense.

On a related topic, one of the things I pride myself on is my ability to both be a fan and be honest and logical, something that most people cannot do with regards to their team. I make no secret that I am a huge Alabama and North Carolina homer...but I look at things from a logical and educated perspective (at least I like to think so). So what to make of the Alabama situation?

I was talking to someone over the weekend discussing the Alabama situation, and he asked me what the school with the least patience was with regards to coaches. I thought for a second, and then replied, "Alabama, I guess." This is true. Crimson Tide fans have no patience with their football coaches--they fully expect every coach they hire to live up to the legacy of Bear Bryant. So in response to all the other Alabama fans, I have two things to tell you:

1. We aren't as big and bad as we like to think we are: Look, it's been 24 years since Bear's last year, and 14 since our last national championship. We've created our own problems with all the sanctions, and strip clubs, and affairs with secretaries. Our merchandise doesn't show up across the nation like it once did. We don't win as often as we once did. We battle with Arkansas more often than we battle with LSU and Auburn. Recruits don't automatically put Alabama on their list of schools when they are brainstorming about where to go.
2. Our coaching situation is getting out of hand: Whether you think Shula deserved to go or not, you have to give Shula a great season last year, despite the fact that the Tide's post-Prothro offense (especially post-Closner) was atrocious. If you're a big name head coach, why would you go somewhere with such a checkered recent past that also has a quick trigger on firings?

Now, let it be known that I am not pro-Shula. I think he has done a wonderful job of getting Alabama back to respectability in the NCAA. Bama was a laughingstock when he took over, with sanctions, Franchione leaving to take over a worse program, and Mike Price yelling, "It's rolling, baby!" (allegedly). We are not a laughingstock anymore, nor are we far away from being a very, very good team. Let it be known, whoever takes over the program will have the tools necessary to have a great team next year.

I said a couple of weeks ago that the only way you fire Mike Shula is if you already have a better coach in hand. It's like a woman. Sometimes you see a gorgeous woman with a total loser. You think to yourself, "What the hell is she doing with that guy? She could do so much better." You're right, she could. Chances are, she's only waiting for someone better to come along...as long as she has a better one lined up, she can break up with the loser. It's using this logic that I thought that Alabama could not fire Shula unless they already had a big name coach lined up. Well, they fired him. And they don't have a big name coach lined up.

So what now? With it's facilities, stadium, tradition, and money, Alabama has the chance to get back to a perennial top 10 team. But they have got to hire the right coach. If I were Mal Moore (and thankfully, I'm not), my top 10 would look something like this:
1. Nick Saban--If you can get him, get him. I don't think you can, because I think he's an NFL guy. But he would be my ideal candidate.
2. Bobby Petrino--Would bring excitement and a wide open offense to Alabama--something they haven't had in a while and have never had, respectively.
3. Steve Spurrier--Apparently, the Spurrier to Alabama rumor has legs. I can't tell you anything as of yet, but he would be my third choice...Mainly because I don't know how well he recruits and he's older.
4. Paul Johnson--A name from left field that I would love to see--even if I don't like the option attack all that much.
5. Jim Grobe--He must be a pretty good coach to take Wake Forest to a 10-win season.
6. Greg Schiano--I don't think he's going to leave Rutgers-unless he goes to Miami.
7. Steve Kraigthorpe--I don't know much about Kraigthorpe's coaching style, and Tulsa has the Western Division title of C-USA wrapped up until they faded. I don't like that.
8. Steve Sarkisian--Despite the fact that his name sounds like an Oriental rug store on Park Ave., I think this guy is going to be a fantastic coach someday. Whether that is now, I have no idea.
9. Al Borges--Great play caller, would add fuel to the Iron Bowl Rivalry, but don't know if he'll be a great head coach.
10. Bill Belichick--Just kidding. But seriously, if you can get him, get him.

I don't necessarily disagree with the decision to fire Shula, just the timing. I think he deserved another year. He had to learn how to be a head coach in an impossible situation. This is a crucial hire for the Tide. Almost as crucial is the need for Alabama fans to show some damn patience. The most important thing we need right now is stability in a program that has been dreadfully unstable since Gene Stallings left ten years ago.

A modest proposal--instead of firing Shula, why not fire the guy who hasn't done a damn thing right since he got there, and go after Mal Moore?

An Indictment of the Memphis Football Team

2006-11-09T11:55:00.000-06:00

The Memphis Tigers are 1-8, and if they don't beat Central Florida this weekend, it is unlikely that they will win a game against a Division 1 opponent this season. I hear the people every day, and there seems to be a consensus that this is simply an awful year, and that the Tigers will be better next year.

But will they be?

Tommy West hasn't recruited well at Memphis. He did not use the star power and success of DeAngelo Williams and the DeAngelo Williams years up to their fullest potential. When you have a transcendent talent at a school like Memphis, you have to use him to get better talent to the school--to improve the overall quality of your football team. Memphis hasn't done that. What Jeff Weinberger says is true--the Tigers suffer from a severe lack of talent. They don't have any kind of star power on either side of the football. And now, what do you use to recruit? You can't use success, because the Tigers are one of the 5 worst teams in the country. You can't really use DeAngelo anymore, because he is now gone. You can't sell on the schedule, because, frankly, it sucks. Outside of Tennessee (who the Tigers don't play every year) and Ole Miss, Memphis doesn't play anyone of note on a year in, year out basis. One of the things that Jeff Bower has done extremely well at Southern Miss is schedule difficult teams like Nebraska, Alabama, Florida, Virginia Tech, Cal, and others going back over the years. Really, the only thing that Tommy West has to sell is the fact that if you're good, you will play immediately, which could either be a good thing or a bad thing.

Memphis, much like Southern Miss, is in an interesting spot. They are smack in the middle of SEC country, having to battle against SEC schools for the top talent in the area. Southern Miss is a title contender in the league almost every year; Memphis is the worst team in the conference this year, with, in my opinion, no real reason for optimism. If the Tigers are this bad now, what makes anyone think they will be significantly better next year? I would contend they won't. Does anyone really believe that a 1-11 or 2-10 team can contend for a conference title and a Liberty Bowl berth next year with the way that Memphis has recruited over the last few years?

So, we've established that Memphis doesn't really have too much hope for the immediate future. What should R.C. Johnson and the Tigers do to rectify the situation? In my mind, there are four steps the Tigers need to take.

1. Hire the Right Defensive Coordinator: Joe Lee Dunn's gimmicky defense was probably the best system for this team. They have so little talent on defense that the only way to mask it was to play a defense with weird formations that makes no sense, hence Joe Lee Dunn. That being said, he wasn't the right guy for the job either. So who to hire? The first and foremost thing that the new defensive coordinator must do is recruit. Joe Lee Dunn did not recruit at all, and it shows. A good defensive coach that will be available at the end of the season is John Bunting, who is a tremendous football coach, just not of the head variety (see Cutcliffe, David and Torbush, Carl). If not Bunting, then you must hire a coach that has recruiting ties to one of the big three states--Florida, Texas, or California. The most important aspect of the new coordinator is his recruiting ability...he MUST be a good recruiter.

2. Improve the Facilities: From what I understand, the practice facilities at the University of Memphis are good. While not up to the SEC standard, they are certainly as good as any in C-USA. The Liberty Bowl is a different story. While the stadium itself has great sight lines, the actual structure of the Liberty Bowl is atrocious. I've seen medieval dungeons that are more inviting. And from what I gather, the locker rooms, showers, media facilities, and press box are abhorrent. These have to be improved. I don't exactly know where the funding is going to come from, but the fact remains--good players want to play in nice stadiums.

3. Get People to come to the Game: There are two ways to get people to come to your games--
1. Win big.
2. Play good teams.
The Tigers were on their way to drawing nice crowds, buoyed by the DeAngelo Williams years, but their momentum has been crushed by what has been an awful season. Obviously, the Tigers are a long way from winning big, so we have to turn to option 2. The Tigers need to schedule every good/decent team with a name that will play them, no matter whether they think they can beat them or not. Revive your series with Arkansas. Play Tennessee as often as possible. Revive a series with Alabama. Play Nebraska. Play Boise State. Play Auburn. Play Kentucky. Play whoever will play you, the bigger the name the better. And BRING RECRUITS TO THESE GAMES. Recruits don't want to play in front of a stadium that's a third full, even if half the crowd is comprised of fans of the other team. This has been Southern Miss's strategy, and it has worked.

4. Take a long look at whether Tommy West is the right guy: Now hear me out. I know that Tommy West has just taken the Tigers to three bowl games in a row. I know that the Tigers were nowhere before Tommy got there. I know it's no logical to fire him right now, because he's been too successful. But much like the Alabama situation, if you can get a guy you think is better in the long term, pull the trigger. I know that Memphis in no way resembles Alabama as far as tradition, but the basic principle remains the same. Tommy has not gotten the talent in the program that he needs to get. And if he doesn't this year and the Tigers go through another season next year like they are having this year...well, you may have waited one year too late.

Some of these are long term solutions, some are more short term, but in order for Tiger football to show up on the national map, in my mind, these steps must be taken.

Shane Battier Poster Night!!

2006-11-07T15:29:00.000-06:00

Hey, Grizzlies fans! If you're looking for something to do tonight, head on down to the FedEx Forum as the Grizz take on the Houston Rockets! The first 5,000 fans in the door tonight get a free Shane Battier poster!

Wait, what the hell? A Shane Battier poster night? Doesn't he play for the Rockets?

This is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. How you can honor a guy who plays for a different team is beyond me. This is a microcosm of what is wrong with the Grizzlies. The organization trades him away in the offseason for a guy with more upside, and then chooses to honor him when he comes back playing for a different team?

No player is worth giving away a poster of when he is on a different team. Not Michael Jordan, not Bill Russell, not Shane Battier. Yes, the guy was a good community citizen. Yes, he was a hard-nosed and well-liked player. Does that justify giving away a poster of him when he is a member of a different team?

No. And did I mention that the team he plays for is a rival in the Grizzlies' division?

My ex-girlfriend was great. She was the first girl I ever dated, and it was fantastic. I appreciate her a lot, and she was my first real girlfriend.

But I'm not going to put a picture of her up in my house, because it's disrespectful for the girl I love now. And the girl I love now is fantastic, and I think she and I will probably do many fantastic things together--more than my high-school girlfriend and I did.

To me, these are similar situations. The Grizzlies traded away Shane Battier, someone who ushered in the Grizzly era in Memphis, who was the first real player to capture Memphians' hearts...and got Rudy Gay, a youngster with great upside, who has the potential to be a franchise player someday.

So to the Grizzlies' front office, I will give a line from a Stephen Stills song--
If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with.

And if you don't love the one you're with, why the hell did you trade the one you did away in the first place?

Speechless. Well, not really.

2006-11-06T10:33:00.000-06:00

Here's a little of the conversation when Peter Edmiston was over at my house on Saturday:

Me: "Alabama has the worst (expletive) red zone offense I've ever seen in my life."

Me: "They can't (expletive) block anyone. This is embarrassing."

Me: "How can you not (expletive) stop (expletive) Mississippi State on offense?"

All right, come to think of it, it really wasn't that much of a conversation. It was more of me just yelling curse words, actually.

All 0f this comes on a day when I made it a point on the Saturday show to defend Mike Shula. I said on the Saturday show that Shula was getting a lot of unnecessary criticism, that Alabama was right where they were supposed to be after 9 games, that Alabama fans should get off his back, and that they would be better next year.
While I still by no means think that Shula should be fired, there are no circumstances under which a loss to Mississippi State is acceptable. Alabama came out with no defensive intensity, they weren't ready to play, and they can't finish drives on offense. If they looked that bad against State, what is LSU's defense going to do this weekend? I shudder to think. I have defended the coaching staff time and time again, but that loss is on them. Alabama wasn't ready to play on Saturday.

--Since it has become clear to me that a college football playoff will never happen, I have a different idea. How about taking the four worst teams in college football--in this case, Florida International, Stanford, whomever loses the Nov. 25th game between North Carolina and Duke in Durham, and the Memphis Tigers--and put in them in a reverse playoff to see who is the worst team in college football? You can't tell me that it wouldn't get sponsored by someone...

--While I mention Carolina, it seems as though they will offer their football job to Butch Davis this week, and that he will accept. A very good hire, if you ask me. Gregg Doyel wrote a column last week about how Dick Baddour is a terrible athletic director and that he would screw up this hire, as he did the one that turned out to be John Bunting. Well, is doesn't look as if he screwed this one up, and to say that Baddour is a bad athletic director because he hired a bad football coach...well, that's just short-sighted. North Carolina has one of the best athletic programs in the country top to bottom.

It's time for college basketball. Who else is with me? Only Florida State, Iowa, Memphis, Duke, Carolina, Alabama, and Georgi...wait, not Georgia...fans?

A Couple of Things

2006-10-02T12:03:00.000-05:00

1. Buck O'Neill, Negro League legend and historian, is apparently not doing well. He was admitted to a Kansas City hospital a couple of weeks ago with extreme fatigue, and has now lost his voice. If I might get on the soapbox for a moment...If this man dies (after all, he is 94), then Major League Baseball Hall of Fame voters should be utterly ashamed of themselves, more so than they already are. The fact that this man is not in the Hall is absolutely shambolic. The man, in addition to being a pretty damn good player (a three-time Negro League All Star, a Negro League World Series champion, member of the Satchel Paige All Stars), the man was the first black coach in the Major Leagues (with the Cubs in the early '60s), and has done more to enlighten America on the history of Negro League baseball than anyone in history. It just goes to show, once again, that baseball Hall of Fame voters are old curmudgeons who don't have any clue what they are doing. It is utterly shameful that Buck O'Neill is not in the Hall of Fame.
2. Memphis looked like a high school team on Saturday against Tennessee.
3. Jason Grimsley came out and named several players, most notably Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, and Miguel Tejada, in a Federal affidavit released a couple of days ago. And what do we hear from the sports fan populous? Crickets. Nothing. Just goes to show, the world is out to get Barry Bonds, and we don't care about anyone else.
4. I have accepted the fact that Alabama is just not there yet. I can tell that they will be good, but they are just not ready to contend yet. I look for the Tide to be very good next year.
5. And by the way, Roger Clemens is to blame for the Astros missing the playoffs. If he doesn't drag his feet making the absolutely predictable decision to come back, they make it. Thanks for nothing, Roger.

Wednesday Morning Cornerback: Nine Things I Know I Think

2006-09-27T10:53:00.000-05:00

1. The St. Louis Cardinals are a disaster. They have lost 7 straight games, dropping their lead to only a game and a half over the hard-charging Houston Astros. Two things I take from this--
--I don't think I've ever seen a possible playoff team with a bleaker outlook than the St. Louis Cardinals.
--If the Astros miss the playoffs, it is largely because their selfish superstar, Roger Clemens, dragged his feet and didn't make his first start until June 22. If Clemens had returned earlier, pitching at the level that he has been this season, the Astros would have made the playoffs.
If the Cardinals do indeed lose this lead, this would be a historic collapse, the likes of which we haven't seen before.
2. Meanwhile, the team the Cardinals are in a series with right now, the San Diego Padres, are playing their best baseball of the entire season. Since their epic collapse in the final game of their series against the Dodgers in which they gave up 4 home runs in a row and another to lose the game, they have won 7 of 8 and six in a row. And quietly, oh so quietly, they have the second best record in the National League, and the second best team ERA in baseball. Look out for the Padres, folks.
3. The Michigan cheerleaders are dressed like soccer moms. Not that there's anything wrong with that...but I prefer the Texas and USC strategies more.
4. The Madden Curse is reaching ridiculous proportions. Shaun Alexander hasn't missed a game in his NFL career to this point; he's on the cover of Madden '07, and he breaks his foot in week 3. Here are the Madden covers since '02 and their fates (bear in mind that the Madden years are one year ahead of the actual season):
2002: Daunte Culpepper--Culpepper missed 4 games, threw for 1300 fewer yards and 19 fewer TDs than he did in the 2000 season. His team goes 5-11, their worst record since 1984.
2003: Marshall Faulk--Despite playing in the same amount of games, Faulk rushes for 430 fewer yards, 4 fewer TDs, and his team goes 7-9. The team only scores 16 more points than their '96 team with Tony Banks.
2004: Michael Vick--Vick misses the first 11 games with a broken leg. His team finished 5-11.
2005: Ray Lewis--For the first time in his career, he does not record an interception. He only missed one game though, and despite his numbers being down slightly, Lewis avoided the wrath of the Madden Curse for the most part.
2006: Donovan McNabb--McNabb suffered a sports hernia after week 9 and was lost for the season. The Eagles missed the playoffs for the first time since 1999 and finish in last place. He is also railed on weekly by Terrell Owens.
2007: Shaun Alexander--Breaks his foot three weeks in, after only rushing for 178 yards and scoring twice.
5. Now to Alabama...there are three parties at fault for their loss. First of all, the coaching staff. Why on Earth you play for a field goal at the end of regulation when you have a freshman. walk on. backup. kicker. I have no idea. Then to call three straight runs into the middle of the line when--a) Darby hasn't done anything all day, b) your freshman. walk on. backup. kicker. has already missed two field goals in regulation, and c) your quarterback is playing like Joe Namath--is beyond me. Secondly, Jamie Christensen, who made 3 game winning field goals last year. How you can be "hurt," yet still be the kickoff specialist, I don't understand. Are you telling me you are healthy enough to kick the ball 70 yards, but you aren't healthy enough to kick the ball through uprights 30 yards in front of you? What? Thirdly, Leigh Tiffin. What a choke job. And just because Shula is good friends with your dad, who just happens to be the best kicker in Bama history, doesn't mean you are good. I hope I never see you on the field again.
6. As good as North Carolina's basketball team is, that is how bad their football team is. I hope that, FINALLY, this will be enough for John Bunting to be fired. The statute of limitations on his win over Miami two years ago has to be over.
7. Well, originally, I started this blog with my thoughts on T.O.'s suicide attempt. As it turns out, he didn't actually attempt suicide--his publicist got worried when she saw an empty bottle of painkillers and a groggy T.O. and called 911. No one is really to blame here, although it is odd that it involved a constant publicity hound. I have never been a fan of Terrell Owens. I think he is the poster child for the me-first athlete of today. However, looking through his bio earlier today trying to understand why he would attempt suicide, I got a little glimpse as to what his home life was like. This was a guy who was born to a single mother, who lived in an alcoholic household, who didn't know who his father was until he happened to figure it out on his own at age 12. My disdain for T.O. has significantly lessened. We forget that despite all the money and fame, a lot of these guys come from broken families and homes, and that they are prone to mistakes just like we are. Terrell Owens has never done anything illegal--he has simply been a bad teammate. Maybe it's time we started understanding him a little better before we call him a schmuck.
8. The Grizzlies will be without Pau Gasol for three months, and I couldn't be happier about it. The Grizzlies without their best player will probably miss the playoffs, but looking at who's available in the NBA Draft this upcoming year, missing the playoffs might not be all that bad of a thing. That and it will force Mike Fratello to play the younger players on the team (Kyle Lowry, Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick) and thus accelerate their development. I think there's a pretty good possibility that in a couple of years, Gay will be your best Grizzly, and not Pau; this injury just means Gay will have to develop faster.
9. At its most basic, sports is simply a competition--be it outside in the backyard, or in front of 108,000 at Neyland Stadium. But Monday Night in New Orleans, it was much more than a Monday Night Football game that took place. After 9-11, sports was as important as anything in restoring a sense of normalcy. Now, a year after Katrina devastated New Orleans, we saw the Superdome for the first time since we saw the horrific wake of Katrina--the dead, the dying, and the Superdome as a microcosm of the chaos that reigned in the immediate aftermath of the storm. But now, we saw the Superdome as we remember it--packed with fans wearing black and gold and screaming "Who dey?!" as the Saints took the field.
The game on Monday was not so much a game as it was a symbol of the rebirth of New Orleans. Sure, there is still so much work left to be done. But during the game on Monday, it seemed as if the city of New Orleans was still as we remember it--full of music and life.

My Kingdom for a Kicker

2006-09-23T18:34:00.000-05:00

Arkansas 24, Alabama 23.

I feel like I just got punched in the balls.

Things that I don't understand about this game:
1. If Jamie Christiensen (who won three games with FGs last year, by the way) is too hurt to kick, why the hell is he still the kickoff specialist?
2. Mitch Mustain < John Parker Wilson. By a loooong way. JPW is a very good quarterback. Mitch Mustain looked out of his league today.
3. Okay, let's see. Your quarterback is 14-18 for 230 yards and two touchdowns. The corners cannot cover the receivers. Your "star" running back has been dancing around like an idiot in the backfield all day. Your kicker has already missed two field goals in regulation. You have the momentum. Why do you run three straight plays up the middle? Do you really think that a freshman walk-on kicker is going to hit a 38 yard field goal on the road to win a game? What the bloody hell are you thinking, Dave Rader?
4. Are you kidding me? That kid's the best kicker we've got?

No one can tell me that Alabama isn't a good football team. You can tell me that Leigh Tiffin will never attempt another field goal for Alabama. That would make me happy. Van Tiffin he ain't. What a joke.

Weekly Observations, Vol. 3

2006-09-18T11:34:00.000-05:00

What a weekend for me. I really couldn't be happier with the results of the games from this week, what with Notre Dame being destroyed, Tennessee losing, Texas Tech getting embarassed by TCU, Memphis losing, and Alabama getting an easy win against Louisiana-Monroe. This week, a tough game for the Tide against Arkansas at Fayetteville, which will be on CBS at 2:30. So, for week 3, a good mood edition of Will's Weekly Observations.

Most Impressive Performance:
Michigan--Notre Dame was never in this game. As soon as Michigan returned the first of lady-favorite Brady Quinn's 3 picks for a TD, this one was over. Chad Henne was on target all afternoon, Mario Manningham was awesome, and Mike Hart ran all over the Irish. The Irish defensive backfield was atrocious. More on them later. I was dead wrong about Michigan.

Least Impressive Performance:
Martin Hankins, Memphis--5 INTs? Against East Carolina? I think that everyone is seeing that the Tigers aren't as good as everyone thought they would be. It really couldn't have worked out worse for Memphis, who lost 2 of 3 winnable games. All of a sudden, the Tigers are staring 3 wins in the face.

Best Player:
Steve Slaton, West Virginia--I guess Maryland wishes they hadn't retracted his scholarship now, after he rushed for 167 yards in the first half against them. He finished with 195 yards and 2 TDs. And he's only a sophomore.

Best Game:
Oklahoma-Oregon--This may have been the wildest finish to a football game in a long time. Oregon overcomes a 13 point deficit in 72 seconds and then gives up a return to the 28 yard line to put Oklahoma in field goal range, then blocks said field goal as time expires to win? I doubt this one will be topped all year long.

Most Pathetic Sight of the Weekend:
Notre Dame's Defense--Looked much like it did against Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl last year. The Michigan offense moved at will, and it looked like Chad Henne could have thrown for as many yards as he wanted. I've said all along that Notre Dame was overrated, and now you see why. They have a tough game this week at Michigan State, too.

The Chris Farley "You're a Huge Embarassing Failure" Award:
Mississipi State--This is becoming ridiculous. One of the two games on their schedule that I thought was a cinch to win, and they are down 32-7 before rallying to make it respectable. Tulane almost disbanded their football program after Hurricane Katrina last year. Mississippi State should disband the Sylvester Croom era. It is disastrous. They are worse now than they ever were before, and they're only going to get worse. I guess I could look at the silver lining--at least they scored a point.

A big week this week for the good guys, as Bama heads to Fayetteville to take on the Hogs. I believe I am going to have people over to watch the game, so I'll try to post pictures on my next blog.

Weekly Observations, Vol 2

2006-09-12T08:46:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what to think after week 2 of college football. After looking very sharp against Memphis, Ole Miss comes out and gets thrashed by Mizzou. After hanging with Michigan at the Big House, Vandy hangs with Bama in Tuscaloosa. Tennessee almost loses to Air Force after punishing Cal. That being said...

Most Impressive Team:
Ohio State--A lot of people would say Notre Dame in this spot, but I don't. For two reasons. One, I think Penn State is vastly overrated, and two, I hate Notre Dame. Texas is not nearly as bad as they looked against Ohio State. The entire game changed on the fumble by Texas in the red zone. From then on, Ohio State looked unbeatable. Troy Smith has to be the favorite to win the Heisman, at least at this point. Ohio State will not lose this season, and will play USC for the national title.
Least Impressive Team:
Ole Miss--Wow. They couldn't run, pass, or stop anyone. Look at the bright side. At least you're not Mississippi State.

Best Player:
Troy Smith, Ohio State--He's on top of his game right now. I have to think that if they start Troy Smith instead of Justin Zwick last year against Texas, the entire landscape changes. 267 yards and 2 Tds against a great defense like Texas's is Heisman Trophy caliber stuff.

Best Game:
Iowa-Syracuse--Two people should be ashamed after this game. Kirk Ferentz and Greg Robinson. Kirk Ferentz should be ashamed because he almost lost to Syracuse, who is terrible. Greg Robinson should be ashamed because he had about 30 chances inside the 5 to tie the game and couldn't do it. Bonus points for Syracuse's QB hopping around like he was frolicking in a meadow when he dropped back to pass.

Most Pathetic Sight of the Weekend:
Mississippi State's offense--For the second week in a row! Congratulations, State. Sylvester Croom sounded like a man about to lose his job after the game. Good news if you're a State fan though--you do play Tulane this week, so it's likely you will score your first point of 2006.

The Chris Farley "You're a Huge Embarrassing Failure" Award:
Conference USA--Let's see-the best team in your Eastern Division was shut out 42-0 by Florida. The best team in your Western Division was beaten 49-24 by BYU. SMU, who was supposed to be better this year, was beaten 24-6 by North Texas. Marshall struggled with Hofstra. It's going to be a banner year for CUSA.

Weekly Observations

2006-09-06T10:57:00.000-05:00

Before I get started with my weekly observations, I will tell you of an epiphany that I had over the weekend. I think it happened sometime during the pregame of the Notre Dame-Georgia Tech, somewhere in the middle of the Notre Dame Football Gameday, er, College Football Gameday. For the last few years, since my freshman year of college, I have hated Tennessee worse than any other team in college football. My freshman year coincided with Peyton Manning's senior year at Tennessee and the year Alabama lost to Louisiana Tech. I think the actual moment I started hating Tennessee was when I returned from work one Saturday to my dorm room, only to find the wallpaper of the computer desktop bore the Louisiana Tech logo. I wanted to murder my roommate (a Tennessee fan) that day. The situation didn't get any better the next year, when Tennessee got break after break (Stoerner laying the ball on the ground, Weinke being hurt and Florida State having to go to their third string QB in the National Championship game) and won the national title. Over the next few years, I had to watch as Bama floundered in the middle of the SEC pack while Tennessee was fighting for the Eastern division title.
Tennessee had occupied the number 1 spot on my Most Hated List until Saturday, when I had the realization that I did not hate Tennessee nearly as much as I hated college football's answer to Duke, Notre Dame. Think about it--every time Notre Dame is halfway decent, people fawn over them like they are the greatest team in the history of college football. Brady Quinn is the second coming of Joe Montana, Jeff Samardzija is the greatest receiver since Randy Moss, etc. Same with Duke. Each school is seen as a paradigm of academics and athletics, the epitome of class in their respective sport. It makes me sick. So congratulations, Notre Dame, I hate you the most. My top five looks something like this:
1. Notre Dame
2. Ohio State--I just don't like Jim Tressell. I think he's a cheat. And arrogant.
3. Tennessee--Still in the top three, but moving down the list.
4. Texas Tech--I know this is a weird one, but I cannot stand Mike Leach. I think he's an arrogant, pompous ass who runs up the score against bad teams to mask the fact that Tech never beats anyone good. It gave me great joy to see Bama beat him in the Cotton Bowl last year.
5. Auburn--I couldn't be a true Bama fan without Auburn in my top five.

Now that I've taken care of that, here are my weekly observations:

Most Impressive Performance:
USC--Everyone thought that Arkansas was a borderline Top 25 team, but USC made them look like an out of conference patsy. Just a dominant performance. And I don't like what Houston Nutt did with Robert Johnson or Darren McFadden. He knew that Mitch Mustain ran the offense better than Johnson, and that Johnson had no chance against USC. If you don't think you can win the game, why play McFadden? He's coming off a serious toe injury.

Best Player:
Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech--This guy is a freak. He's 6'5, weighs 240, runs a sub 4.4, and catches everything. Chan Gailey should be fired for only getting him the ball twice in the second half. You find ways to get that guy the ball.

Least Impressive Performance:
Cal-- This is to take nothing away from Tennessee--they played an unbelievable game. If there was a top 10 team in that game, it was the Vols. They executed flawlessly, played great defense, and played with confidence. But Cal was plain terrible. They couldn't pass, run, block, or tackle. And if Nate Longshore is going to be your starting QB, prepare for a long season. Despite the fact that he had no room to run all day long, I was very impressed by Marshawn Lynch. You could tell how good the guy is.

Best Game:
Ole Miss-Memphis--Just a good football game. Both offenses executed well, there weren't many penalties, and it had a fair share of big plays, both defensively and offensively. Brent Schaeffer is 1000% better than what the Rebels had at QB, and Martin Hankins ran the Tiger offense to perfection. It just came down to the offensive line of Ole Miss overpowering the Tiger defensive front.

Most Pathetic Sight of the Weekend:
Mississippi State's offense--I'm pretty sure that I could start somewhere for Mississippi State on offense. They have nothing. And to see Michael Henig trying to fight back tears as he walked back out of the locker room, his arm in a sling--just sad. I feel bad for the kid. He is only a sophomore though, so hopefully he can fully recover.

The Chris Farley "You're a Huge Embarrassing Failure" Award:
Colorado--"Congratulations, Buffaloes. You lost to Division 1-AA Montana State, 19-10. What are you going to do now?"
"We're going to have a big party for our recruits where we get them drunk, hire strippers, rape female kickers, and smoke weed!"

Hard to believe that Colorado's program is where it is.

What is wrong with us?

2006-08-24T14:55:00.000-05:00

Few things in sports make me physically ill. A close loss by Alabama in a winnable game, a Carolina basketball loss, any time I see Coach K...but nothing, not even Duke, makes me feel as ill as I felt earlier this week when I found out that Jeremy Hunt has been reinstated to the Tiger basketball team.
All you Memphis Tiger basketball fans are going to get all pissed off and say, "Come on! He payed his dues! He graduated! He sat out the whole year! Let the kid play. He deserves it!" To which I will reply that you all make me sick.
Kudos to Jeremy Hunt for graduating and staying in class. I know a lot of people, probably myself included, that wouldn't have handled getting kicked off...no, I'll say suspended...from the basketball team like he did. He took a bad situation and made the best of what he could with it--he got something he loved taken away, gritted his teeth, and graduated. So kudos to him. Way to go, Jeremy. You can now go get a job and contribute positively to society. What you should not be doing, however, is contributing to the University of Memphis basketball team.
Jeremy Hunt was arrested for beating up his girlfriend, Tamika Rogers, back in January of 2005. Coach Cal and the University handled this situation poorly--see the post-practice media meeting where Cal acted as if nothing was wrong and the subsequent two game suspension (TWO GAMES!?!?!?). To their credit, though, they did put Hunt on probation and tell him that if he made another mistake, he would be kicked off the team. Well, in the fall of last year, he made another mistake. He was in a fight on Beale Street. And this is not alleged. I have friends who were there and who saw it. Strike two for Hunt, and it was after this that he was dismissed from the team.
So why do you put him back on the team now? Has the statute of limitations run out on beating up your girlfriend and getting in bar fights?
Someone needs to take a stand over there at the University and do the right thing. Being on the basketball team at the University of Memphis is a privilege, NOT a right. And Hunt forfeited that privilege when he got into a fight on Beale, to say nothing of him being arrested for hitting a woman. This makes me sick.
The bottom line here--at least, in this man's opinion--is that Cal needs Hunt. When he thought Darius Washington and Shawne Williams were coming back, Jeremy was expendable. Now, Hunt would be an experienced guard on a team with a lot of talent and not much experience--a valuable asset, to be certain.
I don't know about you, but I'm sick of this "Win at All Costs" crap that seems to have become par for the course in sports these days. If (and I'm not sure I think he does) Jeremy Hunt deserves another opportunity to play college basketball, he needs to do it somewhere else. He gave up the privilege to play at Memphis with his actions in January and October 2005. I would have had a lot more respect for a coach and an administration that would have stuck to their guns. It appears, though, that the University of Memphis is more concerned with Hunt's ability to help the basketball team (and make them money) than Hunt's ability to abide by the law.

Apparently I am an Idiot

2006-08-03T15:57:00.000-05:00

I got an email the other day from a guy from Oxford--Charles Quinn--who sent me the link for an article that Jayson Stark wrote absolutely shredding the Phillies for their trade of Bobby Abreu and Cory Lidle to the Yankees for what, he says, amounts to nothing. If you listened to my show on Monday, you know that I am the only person alive who didn't like the trade for the Yankees, for a variety of reasons.

1. The Yankees' biggest problem is a lack of young talent. They have a couple of guys (Eric Duncan, Phillip Hughes) that are great prospects, but other than that, they have little minor league talent. This is a problem for a couple of reasons--number 1, they are not going to have the talent to go out and acquire these superstars anymore if they don't restock their farm system and number 2, I am of the belief that bringing the core of your team up through the minors is an important aspect of a lot of championship teams. Look at the Yankees themselves--when they were on their tear, all of their stars--Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Jorge Posada, Andy Pettitte--were brought up through their system. If they continue to trade their young talent away, they won't have the necessary chips to make moves for much longer.
2. What does this mean for Gary Sheffield? He's a rightfielder. Not a first baseman. And it's not like Sheff has the greatest reputation throughout his career for being good in the clubhouse.
3. The Yankees needed a frontline starting pitcher. Cory Lidle is an OK option, but I would have tried much harder to get someone like Jason Schmidt or Roger Clemens than Bobby Abreu. I like Abreu, but their lineup is not the problem. They need pitching help in the worst way. Randy Johnson is a shell of his former self and Jaret Wright is crap. Lidle will help, but they needed a guaranteed win at the front of their rotation for the playoffs. And their bullpen is not good, outside of the cyborg that is Mariano Rivera.

All that being said, the addition of Abreu is an upgrade in rightfielf over what they had, and Lidle makes it possible to keep Sidney Ponson as far from a mound as possible. And apparently the shortstop that the Yankees traded away in the deal sucks. So, if I am indeed wrong, and Abreu and Lidle are incredible for the last two months and help the Yankees win the division and the World Series, I will have been wrong, and I will admit it. It won't be the first time.

--By the way, speaking of Cory Lidle, he came out right after he was traded and blasted his Phillies teammates, saying that they didn't want to win. Obviously not happy with getting thrown under the bus, Philly reliever Arthur Rhodes came out and called Lidle a "scab" (obviously because he crossed the picket line during the last work stoppage) and said that all Lidle likes to do is "fly around in his plane and gamble." Pretty funny stuff.
--In recent memory, has there ever been a more devastating blow dealt to a college football team than Oklahoma starting QB Rhett Bomar getting kicked off the team right as fall practice is about to start? It effectively ends OU's national title aspirations, possibly ends OU's bid for a Big 12 title, and completely decimates Adrian Peterson's Heisman hopes. Hope you're ready to see 8-9 guys in the box every time, Adrian. If he gets 1300 yards this year, he should be strongly considered for the Heisman.
--I can't possibly go without mentioning that J.J.Redick is going to be on the cover of the new NCAA College Hoops 2K7. I find this strange, and not only because I want to punch him in the face. Isn't Redick one of the most hated athletes in recent memory? Didn't he just get a DUI? Maybe OU should stick Rhett bomar on the cover of their game programs this year. Seems about as logical.

Celtic Crossing Patrons Love the Grizzlies

2006-08-02T12:32:00.000-05:00

So my girlfriend and her friend left our table at Celtic Crossing's patio last night, leaving me by myself to ponder the ills of the world over a Harp Lager.

By the way, unrelated to any topic...when I'm at either Dan McGuinness or Celtic Crossing, I have to drink Irish beer and if hungry, get fish and chips. I don't really understand why this is...whenever I go to other bars, I get a Miller Lite, but for some reason I get Irish beers at Irish pubs. Does anyone else do this, or am I the only weird one here who likes to immerse himself in the culture of the establishment while at the bar?

But I digress.

Anyway, I'm sitting there by myself when I overhear a conversation between two gentlemen sitting a couple of tables over talking about the Grizzlies. They were both season ticket holders, and I gathered that they were big Shane Battier fans, because they were a little less than happy at his trade. In their opinion, the Grizzlies should have traded Pau Gasol, who they said was not tough. Now, I am not a big Pau Gasol fan for a variety of reasons, not all of which involve basketball. But to say that the Grizzlies should have kept Shane Battier instead of Pau Gasol...come on.

Gasol is a guy who may never be the SuperDuperStar that can dominate the league, a la a Dirk Nowitzki, LeBron James, Kobe, etc...but what he is is an All Star. In my mind, he would be best as a 2nd option, and that's what I think Jerry West hopes will happen--Rudy Gay develops into the superstar, which allows Pau Gasol to score 18-20 a game as a dominant 2nd option. This gives the Grizzlies the best chance to win. I don't think Pau Gasol has the temperament necessary to become a true superstar, but Grizzlies fans must remember that despite all the frustrating aspects of Pau, he is still a 20 and 9 guy, and makes $13 million a year.

The rumor mill is still spinning though, and from what I understand, don't be surprised if the Grizzlies make another move, possibly involving Mike Miller. This was another topic that came up in my discussion at the Crossing--these two guys weren't the biggest Mike Miller fans, mainly because he completely vanished in the playoffs. I believe they said, in fact, that the only time the saw Mike was when he accepted the Sixth Man of the Year Award. We shared a laugh. Don't be surprised, though, if the Grizzlies move Mike Miller. This concerns me, as do a couple of the other moves made by the Grizz over the last few days. I'm all for moving Mike Miller for a guy who can help the Grizzlies, but they would severely miss his shooting ability. Hopefully Eddie Jones could fill that void, but we see Eddie's legs going because of age.

The other moves that concern me are the re-signing of Chucky Atkins and the signing of Junior Harrington. Harrington is a throw away--he will only be around for training camp. You have to think, though, that Atkins will be the backup point guard with Stoudamire as the starter...Where does this leave Kyle Lowry? I thought that the Grizzlies drafted Lowry to be the backup, but with Chucky and Damon both being veteran presences in the backcourt, this may mean long stretches of "hamstring pulls" or "flu-like symptoms" for Lowry. We've already done this once--the young players have to get playing time to develop. I refuse to sit around and watch Lowry's and Alexander Johnson's suit selection all year long while we watch Damon, Chucky, and Stromile Swift's lazy ass. I assume Rudy Gay is going to play, but who knows?

At any rate, I am more excited about this Grizzly team than any that has taken the floor yet, just because of the new blood and the possibility of Rudy Gay-superstar. Also, the fact that Grizz has been fired adds more excitement--maybe we can get a mascot that isn't lame beyond belief. Until the season, though, I will keep my ears and eyes peeled for Grizzlies scuttlebutt, and you can rest assured that I will have Harp Lager in hand.

Back to Sports

2006-07-25T09:27:00.000-05:00

In recent months, I had turned this thing into just a random thoughts blog, something to do when I wanted to post my thoughts on various events and aspects of my life. Right now though, I would like to spend a moment back on sports, because this blog is linked at our website, www.sports56whbq.com (shameless plug).

Because I have been getting up at 5:00 every morning, first to do the Morning Rush, then to produce in Tyler's absence, I have been able to listen to the show...Which, by the way, is my favorite show on our station. If I was physically able at this point to get up at 6:00 and listen to the show every day, I would. It is a perfect blend of sports, opinions, and laughter...Peter and Ron (and me, for a period) spend the right amount of time on sports, and the right amount of time on topics that are just there to entertain you the listener. Peter and Ron have an extremely good repoire, and are both extremely intelligent individuals. If you are up, like sports, and don't listen to this show, you are really missing out.

But I digress.

The point is, Rudy Gay was on the Morning Rush today with Peter and Ron. This interview struck me. And it started with the call to get him. Normally when you call a 19 year old professional basketball player at 7:40 in the morning, he is asleep, and you're waking him up, and they're not really happy to talk to you. This is a little how the conversation between Rudy Gay and I went:
"Hello?"
"Can I speak to Rudy Gay, please?"
"This is him."
"Hey Rudy, this is Will Askew with Sports 56 here in Memphis. How are you today?"
"Great man, how are you?"
"I'm doing well, Rudy. Is now an okay time to get on the radio show here?"
"Yeah, man."
"Okay, Rudy. Thanks for coming on with us today, congratulations, and we're excited to have you."
"Thanks man, I really appreciate it."

Now, to the normal person, this wouldn't be that big of a deal...But dealing with people on a daily basis that are short with me, are egomaniacs, and just act like a) they don't want to talk to you and b) they think themselves better than you, it was refreshing to talk to a kid who just seemed excited to be in the NBA. He then went on to give a very good interview, with answers that were a little short, but to the point. Seemed like a really nice kid, and said all the right things.

Which brings me to my next point.

A lot has been made in recent weeks about the trade of Shane Battier to the Rockets to acquire Rudy Gay and reacquire Stromile Swift. Now, I don't know how Stromile Swift is going to perform here. I don't know if Jerry West will try and trade him, I don't know if he'll start, I don't know if he'll be any good at all. But if you asked me if I would trade Shane Battier straight up for Rudy Gay, I would have told you yes in a heartbeat.

Shane Battier is a nice player. The type of player that every team needs. Plays banged up, plays solid defense, hits the occassional jump shot to keep you honest, and is a great clubhouse guy. He also is an invaluable link between the community and the team. No one did more over the course of the first five years of this franchise to bridge the gap between the community and the team. But the bottom line in professional sports is winning. And Rudy Gay gives you a better chance to win than Shane Battier. Rudy Gay, coming into the season, was the consensus #1 pick in the NBA draft. He is athletic, long, shoots the ball well, slashes well, and has the potential to be a superstar in the NBA. The only question about Rudy is his willingness to take over a game. And I question this question. For a variety of reasons. First of all, you have to remember who he played with in college. He played two years at UConn, over the course of which he has played with four first round draft picks:
1. Charlie Villanueva (finished 2nd in Rookie of the Year voting this past season)
2. Hilton Armstrong
3. Marcus Williams
4. Josh Boone
You also have to remember that he played with Rashad Anderson and Denham Brown, who were extremely good college players. All that said, he was the best player on that team and an All American. Secondly, he's 19 years old. A typical NBA player hits his prime around ages 26-29. Think about that for a second. Thirdly, as far as the "Doesn't want to take over a game" criticism...As most of you know, I'm a huge Carolina basketball fan. I seem to remember a guy in the late '90s who played there who was a good, if not great, college player who went on to be an unquestioned superstar in the NBA...Vince Carter. Vince Carter averaged 7.5 points a game his freshman year and 13 his sophomore year. Compare that with Rudy Gay's averages of 12 and 15. And as good as that North Carolina team was, with Antawn Jamison, Shammond Williams, and Ed Cota...this UConn team had more talent, with Williams, Gay, Boone, Anderson, Brown, and Armstrong. Are you really worried about Rudy Gay's ability to take over a game, or is this criticism unjustified?

Shane Battier is a good player and a good guy. Rudy Gay, from all accounts, is a good guy with the potential to be a GREAT player. And as we saw in the playoffs last year, the difference between a good player and a great one is a pretty huge gap. Rudy Gay for Shane straight up is a steal...whatever you get from Stro is just gravy on the gigantic cut of prime roast beef that is Rudy Gay.

Wow. It's Been a While

2006-07-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay on the blog. I've had a lot of personal issues lately...and quite frankly, the Muse hasn't struck me. I've been busy with various and sundry things helping my family, and also watching the first 2 seasons of 24 on DVD, which, much like Law & Order, is reaching dangerous levels. The thing with me is, I don't really mind not going out all the time--I've been there, done that. I can't hang anymore. So I basically am taking care of the house, my family, and watching DVDs. Now if you've never watched 24, it is a pretty entertaining show. I do have a couple of issues with it though.
1. There is no way in the world that a group of people could collectively have worse days than they have in this show. I mean, let's just take Jack Bauer's wife for example. Season 1--she fights with her daughter, loses her, looks for her for about 3 or 4 hours, figures out that the guy she's looking with is a terrorist, gets kidnapped, almost killed, raped, rescued, finds out she's pregnant, her car blows up, gets amnesia, almost gets killed again, remembers everything, finds out her husband was sleeping with one of his coworkers while they were separated, finds out that her daughter got kidnapped again, figures out that Jack is sacrificing himself for her daughter, and is finally killed at the end of the season. And this is a fringe character. You get the point.
2. The Counter Terrorist Unit, other than Jack Bauer and Tony Almeida, is completely inept. There's always someone within the organization working against them, and their bosses are always wrong. I hope that this isn't actually how the CTU is.
3. Watching this show will scare the absolute crap out of you, especially if you live in Los Angeles. There are always terrorists, and they always have an unlimited amount of financial and technological resources. Again, I hope this is not true.

It is a really entertaining show, and very good (it got 12 Emmy nominations today). Me and my dad have come up with a 24 Drinking Game. It's just in the planning stages. If you've never seen 24, you won't get this, but for those of you that have, I hope you enjoy it.

--Every time someone refers to killing someone else, take a drink.
--Every time Jack has to be pulled off of a suspect, finish your beer.
--Every time someone inside the agency is working with the terrorists/against everyone else, finish your beer.
--Every time Tony gives a significant look, take a drink.
--Every time someone is about to shoot someone and gets shot themselves just in time, finish your beer.
--Every time Tony looks to the side and says, "Yeah," take a drink.
--Every time you see Tony's Chicago Cubs mug, take a drink.
--Every time Chloe is awkward, take a drink.
--Every time someone is tortured, finish your beer.
--Every time Jack's daughter is kidnapped, finish your six pack.

As you can see, it's still in its planning stages, but I think we're on the right track.

One more thing. If you haven't seen me this week, you haven't seen the nasty ass scrape on my leg. Good story--the absolutely beautiful girl that works at North Creek (where I do my show on Saturdays) asked me the day after it happened, "Oh my God! What happened to your leg?" To which I replied, "Oh, you know. Motorcycle accident." "Really?" she asked. "No," I said. "I slid into third base in my softball game last night."

Honesty sucks sometimes.

Two Moments of Realization

2006-04-24T13:39:00.000-05:00

I'm walking through Target yesterday, shopping for various things that I need for my house, when I happen to wander through the electronics section. I have done this many times before. I make my way to the DVD section, because I love owning movies on DVD. I buy a DVD almost every time I'm in Target.

So I come across the TV show DVD section, and I see the DVD "Fraggle Rock: The Complete First Season." And I'm freaking out. "Fraggle Rock," people! My favorite Theme Song of the '80s! I have to buy this! What a deal to get "Fraggle Rock" on DVD. When are they coming out with the Second Season?

1. Why am I a 26 year old man excited about "Fraggle Rock?"

I'm sitting at Old Venice (one of my favorite places) on Thursday night having a drink with a few of my friends. Well, actually, there were really only three of my friends there (Clay, Ryan, and Paul). I had met a few of the other people there, but they weren't exactly my friends. More like acquaintances.

But I digress.

Somehow the conversation strays to "Names That Used to Be Used But Aren't Anymore" (e.g. Ethel, Mabel, Francine, Bertha). I say Irma. I haven't ever met anyone named Irma. But then I say, and I kid you not,
Me: "Well, I take Irma back. The nerdy news girl from 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' was named Irma."
Paul: "I thought that was April."
Me: "No, she was the good-looking one in the yellow jumpsuit. The nerd with the blue turtleneck and the red glasses was Irma."
Girl (unfortunately there were females witnessing this display): "I can't remember anyone from that show except Splinter and the four turtles."
Me: "Come on. Shredder? Rocksteady? Bebop? Krang? Usagi Yojimbo? The Foot soldiers? Mousers? Anyone?"
Everyone: (silence)
2. Me: "Often I wonder why I don't have a girlfriend. I think I just figured it out."

The Misadventures of Will, Vol. 1

2006-04-24T11:25:00.001-05:00

I'm in radio.

This statement is not quite as interesting as it sounds. It does work, though, when you are trying to sound interesting to guys who have boring jobs at cubicles at banks in tall buildings downtown where they do the same thing every day and make a whole lot more money than I. Or to girls. When girls hear I'm in radio, they naturally assume I'm a DJ, and the conversation goes something like this:
Girl: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm in radio."
Girl: "Wow. So what are you, like, a DJ or something?"
Me: "No, I'm on talk radio. Sports talk radio."
Girl: "Oh. So you're not, like, a DJ?"
Me: "Not really, no."
And then they realize that my job is really not that interesting to them, that I don't know Kelly Clarkson, that I can't get them tickets to Beale Street Music Fest. And they move on to the Guy Who Works in the Cubicle that makes twice as much money as I do, because, well, he is the Guy in the Cubicle that makes twice as much money as I do, and he may not know Kelly Clarkson, but he can buy them good seats for the show.

So it goes.

Without a doubt, the people who find my job the most interesting are the guys who work downtown, because they are like me, and would like nothing better than to host a talk show about sports. Inevitably, when I talk to these people, they think my job is awesome, and they listen to the station all the time, and the conversation strays to what I think the Grizzlies need to do, or how the Tigers looked like crap in their last game. And really, what I want to tell these guys is that I'm really no different from them. That my opinion is really just that--an opinion about sports--and the only differences between me and them are a) I have a forum to publicly express my opinion and b) I probably follow it somewhat more closely than they do, considering it's my job.

And this is the life of a single, twenty-something Sports Radio Guy. There are a lot of bars, and restaurants, and girls who find my job interesting until they realize I don't know Kelly Clarkson, and guys who I knew in high school and work downtown and think I'm really cool because I get to talk about sports for a living.

And I guess it is pretty cool. I get paid to go to all the Grizzlies' games, and as many Tiger games as I would like (although they don't play anyone worth watching for 97% of the season), and I get paid to act like I know more about sports than you do. Which I do.

So it goes.

Opening Day

2006-04-12T10:43:00.000-05:00

It's Wednesday, April 12th, and I'm sure you're all expecting some hot sports opinion on John Calipari, or a take on Logan Young's murder from an Alabama fan.

To get my opinion on Calipari, simply read Pat Forde's column on ESPN.com. That pretty much sums it up for me.

And I don't know what this means as far as my Alabama fandom goes, but the first thought that popped into my head yesterday after I found out Mr. Young had been murdered was that a crazed, angry Bama fan pissed that at the Tide's sanctions had finally taken matters into his own hands. Like I said, I don't know what that means, but I'm pretty sure that's why I like Carolina basketball more than Bama football. I'm disillusioned on Bama. Nothing that I hear about the actions of college football fans would surprise me at this point.

No, friends, today I come to talk to you about something more cheerful. Rather than ends, I come to talk to you about beginnings. Opening Day at the new Busch Stadium was on Monday, and I was lucky enough to attend. The new stadium is beautiful, much like an Autozone Park on steroids (and apparently with some Camden Yards dashed in, but I've never seen Camden).
One of the things that I don't like about the city of Memphis is that the general apathy towards baseball in this town is staggering. People would rather talk about spring practice at Arkansas than a great pennant race. That could not be a more stark contrast to St. Louis, where the entire city revolves around its baseball team. It's Tiger basketball to the 15th power. And I'm sure that you Tiger fans will get all defensive when I say that, but there really is no comparison between Tiger basketball and Cardinal baseball.
Coming into this season, I was not a Cardinal fan, for a variety of reasons, David Eckstein and Jim Edmonds being two. I can't stand either one of them. But I digress.
The Cardinals are really easy to like, despite Eckstein and Edmonds, and it has everything to do with their fans. They are knowledgable, polite, and friendly. We were sitting in the bleachers, near probably some of the most rabid Cardinal fans, and they could not have been nicer.
We had great seats, 2nd row in right center field. Two home runs were hit within 6 seats of us (Bill Hall's and Mark Mulder's). If I were going to nitpick, I would say that the sun was right in our face, but I got to work on my award-winning farmer's tan, so I can't complain.
The park was beautiful, and Cardinal fans will love it. The only two problems were
1. The price of the beer--the beer was $7.75 for a draft, $7 for a 16 oz. bottle. I know that ballpark inflation is out of control, but even that errs on the expensive side.
2. The Team Store was a little on the small side--I don't know if the main team store was the one basicall behind home plate, but it was a little small. It was tough to move around the store, and the selection was not all that great.
Overall though, I would rate the total experience at around a 9.5 out of 10. Part of that has to do with how perfect the weather was, and how great the beer tasted, and who I was with, but it was about as close to a perfect day at the ballpark as possible.

Before this trip, this was the only time I was planning on heading up to St. Louis this year to go to a ball game, but after this trip, I am at least planning one more trip, and possibly one to go to a weekend series. I urge everyone to go to a Cardinal game at new Busch. Just a tremendous experience.

I've said it before, I'll say it again--there is not much better in this man's eyes than heading out to the ballpark on a clear afternoon, sitting next to a pretty girl, drinking a beer, and taking in a game. I highly recommend it.

A Profound Disappointment

2006-03-24T11:42:00.000-06:00

Hear me out here.

Coack K has taken Duke to the Sweet 16 for the past 9 years, which, even from this extremely anti-Blue Devil biased perspective, is a mighty impressive feat. However, I don't see how anyone can view this year's Duke team as a success.

First of all, let's begin with their recruiting class. It was one of the most heralded Duke classes in years, with two guys (Greg Paulus and Josh McRoberts) who stepped right in and started on the consensus #1 team in the country at the beginning of the year. If you remember correctly, it was McRoberts, not North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough, who was the most celebrated Caucasian big man coming into the ACC this year. Obviously, Carolina needed Hansbrough to produce more in order to succeed, and he got more opportunities to score, but the fact remains, McRoberts was a bigger name recruit coming into the season. Paulus was a top-tier point guard who turned down a sure-fire football scholarship to start for Duke basketball. Both of these guys looked unbelievable in the McDonald's All-American Game last year, as I looked on in disgust, anticipating two 20-point losses to Duke for Carolina this year.

Add these two to a senior nucleus of JJ Redick, one of the most celebrated/best/hated players in college basketball history, Shelden Williams, everyone's Best Big Man in the country coming into the season, and two other solid seniors, Sean Dockery and Lee Melchionni. Sports Illustrated's headline coming into the season for their college basketball preview was "Can Anyone Stop Duke?" This Duke team was as close to everybody's #1 team in the country as any team I can recall.

But as the season went along, we saw what was really going on. McRoberts was revealed as a guy who had tremendous skills but either wasn't developed enough to use them on such a high level, or was beaten down by Coach K in practice so much that he lost his confidence in his tremendous talent (that last bit is speculation on my part, based on accounts of what Coach K is like from people who know). Paulus was revealed as a good playmaker, but a guy who can't beat you from the outside, which is a nice way to say that he can't shoot. Williams was tremendous most of the season, but this is a guy who struggles defensively against good big men--look at what Sean May did to him in two games last year (a combined 49 points and 42 rebounds), Marco Killingsworth (34 points, 10 rebounds), Tyler Hansbrough (27 points against him in Cameron)...I'm not saying Williams is a bad defender, he's just overrated. He's a great shotblocker who gets a lot of credit for being a better defender than he really is. Melchionni was wildly inconsistent. Dockery was inconsistent. Did DeMarcus Nelson even play? Redick was unbelievable all year, but once Carolina did a number on him at Cameron, people figured out how to defend him, and you saw him go 3-18 last night from the field and barely get to the foul line.

When you look back at this season if you're a Duke fan (and I'm really putting myself in someone else's shoes here) you have to view this season as a profound disappointment. You had two first team All-Americans who were seniors in Redick and Williams. That never happens anymore. you had two other seniors who were major contributors in Melchionni and dockery. You had two of the most celebrated recruits in the country in Paulus and McRoberts, and you had (supposedly) the best coach in the country.

Yes they won the ACC Tournament and the ACC regular season title. Yes they were the #1 overall seed in the tournament. Yes they made the Sweet 16.

But they lost to Carolina...on senior night...at home...sending off Redick and Williams, two of the best players in their history. They lost to Florida State. They lost to Georgetown. They lost to LSU in the Sweet 16, their second straight year to be eliminated in the round of 16. With seniors the caliber of Redick, Williams, Melchionni, and dockery, and with the expectations that were placed on this team at the beginning of the year, this season has to be viewed as a tremendous disappointment.

Save Your Breath

2006-03-19T16:45:00.000-06:00

Before you all start calling me tomorrow and giving me a hard time because Carolina lost to George Mason, let me explain to you why I haven't broken my TV yet:
1. Carolina wasn't even picked to be in the tournament by Sports Illustrated. At best, they would have been an 8 or a 9 earlier in the season. They entered the tournament as one of the hottest teams in the country and were a 3 seed.
2. This wasn't supposed to be their year. NEXT year was supposed to be their year. With Brandan Wright, Tywon Lawson, and Wayne Ellington (among others) joining Hansbrough, Frasor, Ginyard, and Green, go ahead and pencil the Tarheels in as a top 5 pick at the beginning of the '06-'07 season.
3. They beat Duke at Duke.
And that is why, folks, I am not the least bit upset at the Heels' loss.

More tournament now.

I love the NCAA Tournament

2006-03-18T19:37:00.000-06:00

This is my favorite time of year. The NCAA Tournament so trumps every other postseason in sports, it's not even close. The Super Bowl is bigger than the Final Four, but the NCAA Tournament kills every other postseason tournament.

--UConn should have beaten Albany by 50 points. Four of their five starters are NBA first round picks. Rashad Anderson and Denham Brown are awesome. There's no way Albany should have played anywhere near UConn last night. This is the reason why I don't think they can win the national championship--they lack that killer instinct. UConn=Rudy Gay. Hear me out--phenomenally talented, more so than anyone else in the country, but prone to disappear for minutes on end. Frustrating, really. This should be '05 Carolina all over again--and they still may be--but something about them just isn't right.
--I really like Alabama's road unis. Good call by Coach Gottfried. And as we speak, he is wearing a Crimson coat. Like Gottfried's taste in clothing.
--Save for Florida's game against UW-Milwaukee, the Shockers over Seton Hall, and West Virginia's win in the first round, there haven't been any blowouts. This is why March Madness is so great.
--If I see the two dudes from Applebee's singing "Three Hour Tewerrrrrr" one more time, I'm going to put my foot through the TV. Which reminds me--what three commercials come to mind when you think of the NCAA Tournament? For me, they're from the last two years:
1. "A three hours tewerrrrrrrrrrr."
2. "Make room for C.J.! Whew! Spicy!"
"That's the Kung Pao sauce for my shrimp."
3. "I don't think of myself as a basketball coach. I think of myself as a leader who happens to coach basketball. And I'm not doing this commercial as a recruiting tool at all."
Okay, so I added the last part in.
--Hope you Iowa fans didn't get enough of that Northwestern State three-pointer yesterday, because much like Ole Miss fans and Kentucky fans, you'll be seeing that for the next 20 years.

Once the Sixteen is set, Nantzisms for each team. Stay tuned.

Random Thoughts from My House While Watching the Tournament

2006-03-16T12:16:00.000-06:00

--Oklahoma should be better than they are. With two big guys like Bookout and Taj Gray, they should be so much better. Kelvin Sampson reminds me of a rich man's Rod Barnes. His style is pain-inducing to watch.
--I'm glad I threw away my "Seton Hall to the Sweet 16" bracket. They are getting owned by the Shockers.
--Yes, please.
--Cirque du Soleil: Delirium is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. I think it was summed up best by a comment I made to my date last night--"I've heard that this is what LSD is like." Pretty much.
--I pick Villanova to win it all--I like their guard play...with Foye, and Ray, and Nardi, and Lowry, they have the best set of guards in the country. They would be a shoo-in if they had Sumpter healthy, but they haven't had any inside presence all year, and that hasn't stopped them from kicking ass.
--Enough with the "Memphis doesn't get any respect." You got a #1 seed. How much more respect do you want?
--After much debate, I have decided that I like college basketball better than college football. I know that you people my lynch me or ride me out of town on a rail for saying that, but hear me out---every possession is important, the postseason is MUCH better, and the games are much more exciting to watch--at least 90% of the game...The good thing about college football is not so much the game itself, but the event surrounding it. I love tailgating in the south, but the game--the actual game--of college basketball is better.
--I don't want to write too much, because I am missing the game. So more later.

Random Thoughts from the C-USA Tournament

2006-03-10T11:05:00.000-06:00

Aaah, the C-USA Tournament. What an exhibition of basketball ability. I think one of the referees put it best when I was talking to him during the SMU-UAB game on Thursday. First, this bears an explanation...This ref works my MUS Alumni Summer League games. He said, "You know, the talent at MUS isn't far off from the talent here. It's pretty close." He was kidding, but not entirely.
I have spent the greater part of the last two days watching bad basketball, eating average food, and compiling this year's C-USA Cheerleader Rankings. Much like the actual basketball league, this year is dominated by two teams:
1. UAB: Memphis was in it until the UAB-UTEP game. UAB's squad is awesome. I've never seen more media guys staring at girls in my life. It was hilarious. Very, very solid squad all the way around.
2. Memphis: Memphis was very close to being number 1 until tonight. There are a couple of spectacular girls on the Memphis squad, including my girl Amanda, but they fall just short of UAB.
3. Southern Miss: Now, for the most part, this was a pretty disappointing squad. But they were aided by one girl who was the standout of the tournament. This team is a little bit like the Lakers. A bunch of losers, and then Kobe Bryant absolutely carrying them, scoring 81 points and hitting baskets in the clutch. There was one other cute one--she's a little like the Lamar Odom of this team. But Blonde Kobe carries this team, there is no doubt.
4. Marshall: My good friend Jay Harvey and I wholeheartedly disagree on this one. They normally wouldn't be ranked so highly, but so many teams didn't bring anyone at all, Marshall makes it up at number four. One solid girl, and the rest were below average-average. But what do you expect? Marshall's in West Virginia.
5. Houston: They are severely penalized by the fact that they only brought 6 dancers. 6? Surely there are more people on the dance team than 6. Budget tight over at Houston? Didn't have enough money to fly the girls down there? And they had one singular male cheerleader. This guy prompted a friend of mine to utter the following quote: "That guy does not like girls." Not that there's anything wrong with that.
6. UTEP: A distinctly Latin feel to the Miner dancers. I was a little disappointed though...I thought that the Latin girls would be exotically beautiful, much like Salma Hayek, but they were more exotically average.
7. SMU: Much like the TCU dancers last year, I was really disappointed with this squad. They didn't really bring anyone, and the girls they did bring weren't very good. I know there are good-looking women that go to SMU, because I've seen them. They just aren't on the cheerleading squad, apparently.
8. Tulsa: I just don't remember anyone on the Tulsa dance team. And that means there wasn't anything memorable about them. Hence #8.
9. Rice: Awful. They would be #12, but for the fact that four teams didn't bring anyone at all.
10. Tulane: This whole situation is really unfortunate. Tulane's budget had to be decimated by Katrina. They actually hired the Munford High School band to play for them, because their band couldn't make the trip. Just a sad situation all the way around.
11. East Carolina: Didn't bring anyone. Also, they have the worst basketball team I've ever seen.
12. UCF: I had to rank this team last, because they are the biggest disppointment of the whole tournament. They are a school located in Orlando, Florida, with 40,000 students. You're telling me that their dance team and cheer squads aren't smoking? They were the national champion cheer squad in 2003 for God's sake! After South Florida's performance last year, I was really looking forward to seeing how UCF stacked up. And they didn't bring anyone, not even a band. Come on!
--The most entertaining thing of the entire night last night (seeing as how UCF didn't bring a dance team) was a trombone player for the Houston band. He thrust his pelvis so many times last night, it was unbelievable. This guy had so much pent-up sexual energy, he couldn't stop humping air. I would say that this guy needs a girlfriend, but he may kill her. Seriously.
--Wednesday night, I actually was counting the number of people in the arena. There were two people sitting in the upper bowl. 2. In the entire upper bowl. Then they handed out the announced attendance of 9175. Eli Savoie and I were guessing, did they leave out a decimal? Did they mean, 91, perhaps 75?
--A spectator in Wednesday night had a shirt on that was light blue, with a sunset on it, that said "Awesome" on the front. If anyone knows where I can get this shirt, email me at will@sports56whbq.com.
--The hottest spectator in the crowd so far was, predictably, a Central Florida fan. I ask you again, why did they not bring their cheer teams?
--The four games on Wednesday were the four worst exhibitions of basketball I have ever seen. Rice-SMU, Tulsa-Southern Miss, Tulane-Marshall, and East Carolina-UCF. East Carolina had 16 points at half. They shot 19%. SMU and Rice turned the ball over every single time down the floor. What an awful conference.
--Lookalike alert--Jarekus Singleton for Southern Miss looks exactly like Juan Dixon. Dead ringer. If he were any good, I'd say he was Juan Dixon.
--On a serious note, there were so few people in the crowd the last two nights that I knew whose mom was who. Troy Linbeck is a senior for Central Florida--a three point specialist off the bench. I saw his mom in the crowd the last two nights, and she was by far the loudest fan, as you might expect. But after Central Florida lost last night, I look back there, and she was just weeping. And I thought to myself that it must be a pretty emotional thing to watch your son play his last basketball game ever (assuming UCF doesn't go to the NIT). I mean, you've watched your son play ball for almost 20 years, and he's pretty good at it, and he goes D-1, and then it's over. Pretty heavy stuff. At least she got to see him play, though.

I look forward to the big Houston-Memphis matchup tonight...the Air-Humping Trombone Player takes on the #5 team in the country. Truly a clash of the titans.

Why I hate Duke

2006-03-03T10:11:00.000-06:00

It is Carolina-Duke eve, and I thought it appropriate to discuss why exactly it is that I hate Duke. It's necessary to explain why this came about. Last night, my roommate asked me why I hated Duke. He went to TCU, and said that while he dislikes SMU, he doesn't hate them. So, for my roommate, for the general public at large, here is why I hate Duke. I'll start with the small stuff, and work my way up to the larger issues.

Mascots:
This is perhaps the least important of the issues. The mascot for North Carolina is the Tar Heel, which derives from a battalion of North Carolina soldiers who held their ground as if they had tar stuck to their heels. Hence the Tar Heels. Duke's mascot, the Blue Devil, derives from a group of Alpine French soldiers who wore a striking blue uniform with blue berets. Enough said.
Also, the ram, which is the North Carolina mascot, is the symbol of male fertility, while the Blue Devil is the symbol for, well, the devil.

Cities:
Check this link out. It will tell you all you need to know about the difference in the two cities. Durham is a crime-ridden hell hole, while Chapel Hill is like a big version of Oxford, Mississippi.

Attitude:
In general, the Duke fan is an arrogant rich kid. Of course, this attitude derives largely from Coach K, who is also an arrogant rich man. Consider this quote:
"It's not just about basketball. We're better academically too. Carolina is full of a bunch of drunken frat guys who will never get a job outside of North Carolina."
--Dan, Duke Class of '04
This quote was on the promotional sheet of paper in a new book, "I Hate Like This to Be Happy Forever," by Will Blythe. Now I'm sure that plenty of Carolina students have the same attitude, but I haven't seen it. There is an old joke: What is the difference between a Duke man and a Carolina man? The Duke man walks down the street like he owns the world, and the Carolina man walks down the street like he doesn't give a damn.

Girls:
I have been to Chapel Hill, I have seen the Cameron Crazies. There is a shirt being handed out to Carolina women that says, "Duke girls have testicles." Not far off, judging by my experience in the Research Triangle.

Players:
Just think for a second. Who is your least favorite Duke player? Christian Laettner, Mark alarie, Danny Ferry, J.J. Redick...all these guys come to mind. Who is your least favorite Carolina player? Anyone? Does anyone come to mind? Kris Lang, perhaps? Carolina fans hate him as much as everyone else. Okay, so let's ask a Duke fan. Which Carolina player do Duke fans hate the most? "Wow. That's tough. I don't know. Umm, man. I don't know. Maybe Vince Carter?" this actually took place a couple of days ago on ESPN News. Duke players are imminently more hateable than Carolina players. It's a fact.

Now to the important thing:
The Coaches:
This is perhaps the difference that spurs the most rancor in me.
Dean Smith is the all-time winningest coach in college basketball. But more importantly than that, he is a man that stuck to his principles throughout his coaching career. His father was the first basketball coach in Kansas to integrate a high school basketball team. Smith was the first coach in the ACC to recruit black players. He marched for civil rights in the '60s. He didn't accept some endorsement deals, because he didn't think it was fair for him to profit off of his players' success. He was the consummate sportsman--Lefty Driesell, who used to coach Maryland, once sent Smith a letter telling Dean that he wasn't going to shake his hand after UNC-Maryland games. Smith replied that he would always shake his hand, win or lose. And Smith literally chased Lefty off the court the next game just to shake his hand. He created the concept of Senior Day, in which all the seniors, even the walk-ons, start the final home game. A good guy, by all accounts.
Mike Krzyzewski, on the other hand, was in at least two commercials every break during last year's NCAA Tournament. He presents a public image of a good man, but I have it from one very reliable source that he is much like Bobby Knight behind closed doors. He said the f word ten times that the camera captured in Duke's loss to Georgetown earlier this season. The only bad team K has had in recent memory (the '95 squad that went 13-18) was coached by his assistant at the time because K suffered a back injury--but K made sure the losses were struck from his record before taking the year off.

This is why I like North Carolina and hate Duke. True, I probably wouldn't hate Duke as much if they weren't really good. But the fact remains, there are plenty of legitimate reasons to hate Duke. Plus, J.J. Redick is a tool. And remember this quote:

"I always remember that whatever I have done in the past or may do in the future, Duke University is responsible in one way or another."
--Richard Nixon, graduate of Duke Law School

And then there were two...

2006-02-23T15:15:00.000-06:00

Before I write this, I will tell you that I am extremely biased. Everyone who listens to Sports 56 knows that I'm a huge North Carolina fan. I don't make any secret of it. I find it's better to admit my biases, rather than act like I don't have any, even though it's obvious I do. But I digress.

In my mind, there are only two coaches who can make a legitimate claim for National Coach of the Year. And neither one of them is John Calipari. Cal has a great team this year, to be sure. But didn't everyone expect this? There's no one in Conference USA that wouldn't start the Tigers' second unit. Why should he win coach of the year for dominating a joke league? Again, I digress. The two coaches who can claim this year's NCOTY are...

1. Bruce Pearl, Tennessee: There is no reason whatsoever why Tennessee should be any good. They have no significant talent to speak of, especially compared to the team that should be winning the SEC East, Florida. They played Memphis very tough in the FedEx Forum, and are ranked #11 in the country. They will likely move into the top 10 next week. Not only has he singlehandedly turned around the basketball team, but has energized an entire basketball program. After football season, UT fans were aching for something to cheer about, and they've got it. He is the odds-on favorite to win the award, barring a major collapse by the Vols in the last few games. But Pearl's success can take nothing away from...
2. Roy Williams, North Carolina: What Williams has done at North Carolina this year is nothing short of spectacular. To lose your top 7 scorers from last year, including 4 NBA top 14 draft picks, and still be 18-6 and a half-game behind N.C. State for 2nd in the ACC is remarkable. They've beaten NC State, Georgia Tech, Wake, Maryland, and Miami on the road, including last night's 24-point win at the Wolfpack, who were ranked #14 coming into the game. This is a completely different job than last year--last year, Williams had to mesh egos, to keep everyone happy on an unbelieveably talented team...and he did. This year, he's had to take a hodge-podge of freshmen and bench players from last year's team and teach them how to win, and man, has he succeeded again. A phenomenal job by Williams...this team shouldn't be anywhere near the top of the ACC, yet he has them playing as well as anyone outside of a handful of teams right now. I wouldn't want this team in the NCAAs.

Right now, I would have to give the edge to Pearl. He has taken a team with no talent and turned it into one of the most feared teams in the nation. But Williams can't be far behind. What a great job by both of these guys.

Isiah Thomas is a Joke

2006-02-22T11:51:00.000-06:00

The New York Times is reporting that the Knicks have a deal in place to trade Jamal Crawford, Trevor Ariza, and Maurice Taylor to the Orlando Magic for Steve Francis and Pat Garrity.

Now this trade would mean that the Knicks would have two shoot-first point guards signed until the 2008-2009 season, and between them, they would be owed in excess on $128 million. Bear in mind that neither supposed "franchise player" has ever gotten their team out of the first round of the playoffs. Bear in mind that as talented as these guys are, they've been traded 5 times between them. And bear in mind that Quentin Richardson, who set an NBA record for most threes attempted in a season last year, is signed through 2008-2009 as well, with a player option for 2009-10. The Knicks also have traded a huge expiring contract (Antonio Davis) for one that has one more year on it (Jalen Rose), have Nate Robinson on their team (who, presumably, would be left out if Francis joins the team), has a guy who is always two seconds away from becoming Hank Gathers (Eddy Curry), and have Jerome James, a useless stiff, signed through 2008-2009. All of this begs the question...

Who did Isiah Thomas screw to keep getting good jobs? This is a man who would kill to have Stu Jackson's resume...this is a man who ran the Raptors into the ground, who singlehandedly bankrupted the CBA, who underachieved with the Pacers, and who has turned the Knicks, who have the highest payroll in the league by $30 MILLION DOLLARS, into the second worst team in the league, next to the Charlotte Bobcats. By the way, the Bobcats' payroll? Short of the Knicks' by $92,650,331. And they're in the worst division in basketball.

I'm 26 years old, have no more basketball experience than 20 years of church ball, and work in sports radio. I have no doubt--NONE--that I could run the New York Knicks better than Isiah Thomas. Why he has not been fired, I have no idea.

Here's a joke, courtesy of the Sports Guy:
Anucha Browne Sanders tried to settle with the Knicks for $2 million...Isiah Thomas offered her $50 million over 6 years.

UPDATE:
Okay, so Isiah is even dumber than I thought originally. He has traded Penny Hardaway's expiring contract and Trevor Ariza, who is pretty good, for Steve Francis. So he's even more brain-dead than I thought.

Enough!!

2006-02-21T11:49:00.000-06:00

I've been listening to Tiger fans all season long whine about their lack of respect from national media outlets, mainly ESPN...I've been listening to the callers call in and say that Carney should get National Player of the Year recognition alongside Redick and Morrison...I've been listening to Tiger fans call in and say that there's some sort of conspiracy against Memphis because their highlights weren't played on ESPN.

I've had enough.

Tiger fans, stop whining. ESPN doesn't have any reason to have a bias against your school. Last year, Memphis was one of about four places that the Gameday crew came to cover a game. Where was the talk of a bias last year? This year, ESPN or ESPN2 has broadcasted every game on your schedule that's worth a damn. Alabama, UCLA, Duke, Cincinatti, UTEP, Gonzaga, Texas, and UAB are all on ESPN or ESPN2. The only good game they did not show this year? The Tennessee game. And that's because everyone with a brain thought Tennessee would suck this year. I guarantee you that game will be on national television next year. I'm sorry you play in a worthless conference with terrible competition--no one cares about watching you beat Rice by 60 points. It's boring, frankly. I don't want to watch any of your games. It's like watching an NBA team play a small conference college team.

Secondly, Rodney Carney does not belong in the same discussion with J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison. He just doesn't. Look at their numbers--Morrison is #1 in the country with a 29.3 scoring average on the number 5 team in the country. Redick is second with a 28.9 average on the #1 team in the country, and a team that is undefeated in the ACC. Rodney Carney averages 18.2 points a game. That's not within 10 points of either of those guys. This award is not the "Who has the most NBA potential award." It is the College Player of the Year Award. Also, while I'm here, I thought I should let you know that when Shawne Williams doesn't win the National Freshman of the Year, I don't want to hear you whine. He won't win the National Freshman of the Year because he doesn't deserve the National Freshman of the Year. Tyler Hansborough of North Carolina does, for carrying a team that lost it's top 7 scorers from last year, including 4 NBA picks in the top 14, and a team that has no business being above .500 in the ACC, and to a tie for third in the conference. He is also 3rd in the conference in scoring at 18.9 ppg (which, incidentally, is more than Rodney Carney) and 10th in the conference in rebounding at 7.7 a game. So I'm issuing a preemptive warning that Shawne Williams will not win the National Freshman of the Year.

Thirdly, this "conspiracy." Watch ESPN. Every time there's a game, your highlights are on Sportscenter. And the reason that Digger, Bilas, and the boys don't talk about your team all that often is because while other teams are playing competition, Memphis is beating a glorified high school team by 30.

Memphis will get a number 1 seed in the NCAA Tournament when the seedings are announced in a couple of weeks. They likely will not lose another game, because no one they play for the rest of the season can beat them. This is a team with definite Final Four potential. And isn't that what matters? Who cares if you perceive some sort of non-existent bias against the Tigers on ESPN? The selection committee is in no way affiliated with ESPN. Just go out, win your games, and play up to your potential. And my goodness, stop with this Rodney Dangerfield crap.

Albert Belle is Creepy...and other stuff

2006-02-17T15:03:00.000-06:00

--News today...Albert Belle has been arrested for stalking his ex-girlfriend. He allegedly used GPS to track her movements and repeatedly threatened her. Reached by the AP this morning, Belle said, "You didn't write a story about my Hall of Fame induction. You guys never report the good stuff that I do." Well, Albert, the reporters probably didn't report on your Hall of Fame induction for two reasons:
1. You weren't inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame.
2. Umm, you weren't inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame.
Yes, Albert, the reason we didn't report your induction into the Hall of Fame is because you only received 40 of the necessary 390 votes for induction. So really, you were just on the ballot. Technically, you are no different than Gary Discarcina. You just received a few more votes--but not many. So stop being creepy.
--If any of you stuck around for the halftime "entertainment" at the Grizzlies game the other night, you were treated to a game between the Mavericks and the Sonics, two Olive Branch kids' teams. Well, it was a game between the Sonics and one kid, who took every shot for the Mavericks. It was one of the worst ball-hogging performances in the history of basketball. This kid literally didn't pass the ball once the whole game. What a disappointing thing it is to watch a kids' basketball game and actually have a negative reaction to one of the kids. I actually found myself booing the kid.
--Darko Milicic was traded a few days ago along with Carlos Arroyo to the Orlando Magic for Kelvin Cato and a first round pick--now we finally get to see what kind of player Darko can be. My guess? A pretty good one. He gets to play alongside a beast in Dwight Howard, and I think he will blossom as a player in Orlando. Of course, I could be wrong, but the kid is only 20 still.
--Jeff Weinberger's Idiot Statement of the Day:
"Would you trade Shane Battier and a first-round pick for Yao Ming?"
Rob: "Yes."
Jeff: "I wouldn't."
Enough said.

Duke-Carolina

2006-02-08T08:35:00.000-06:00

Hey there! Nice to see you again. Been almost two months since I last talked to you. Contract issues, you see. Drew Rosenhaus is my agent, and he advised me to hold out.

I am writing this from my brother's dorm room in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, where last night I attended the latest installment of the greatest rivalry in college basketball. First, the game.

--Carolina doesn't have the players this year to hang with Duke. They just don't. From Duke's three senior leaders (Williams, Redick, Dockery) to Carolina's one (Noel)...it's just not there. That being said, Roy Williams should win ACC Coach of the Year, regardless of whether Coach RatFace goes undefeated in league play or not. He made a brilliant move with the entire line change in the second half. The starters weren't getting it done, and the guys he put in off the bench came in and brought some much needed energy. Carolina is to be commended for overcoming a 17-point lead in the second half.
--Tyler Hansborough plays his ass off. I've seen few big men who play harder than Hansborough...he just seems to have a nose for the ball, and he attacks the basket.
--Frasor was terrible last night. He may have gotten caught up in the Frasor-Paulus freshman rivalry, but whatever it was, he did not play well.
--Redick can shoot really well. Also, the sky is blue, and water is wet. I still hate him.
--Duke has to win the National Championship this year. If not, I think the season is an utter failure. You lose Redick, Williams, and Dockery, you may lose McRoberts...this is their best shot. If they don't win it, it's an utter disappointment. Much like Duke women.

On to the off-the-court stuff:
--I'm sorry Tiger fans, I know you have the "Blue Crew," I know that your building is beautiful, and your team is in the top three, but your atmosphere can't hold a candle to that. I know it was Carolina-Duke, but everyone was dressed in blue, the whole arena was on their feet for the entire game (old and young), and the ground was shaking at points. Absolutely blows Tiger games away.
--The arena is amazing--not as aesthetically attractive as FedEx Forum, but until you go there, and see the countless jerseys hanging in the rafters, the four National Championship banners, and all the ACC title banners, you don't know. I can't put it into words--it's just different from anything I'd ever experienced before. Probably like going to Yankee Stadium or something.
--Peter Edmiston called me last night and told me that A-Rod is a Duke fan. Anyone shocked? No? Both he and Donald Trump are big fans of Coach K. Shocking that the rich, arrogant, stuck-up pricks are big fans of K. couldn't have called that one.

Hopefully Drew and the powers that be have gotten my contractual issues worked out, and I'll be able to do this more. Till then.

I Hate Sean Avery

2005-12-06T15:50:00.000-06:00

Who is Sean Avery?

He is the enforcer on the L.A. Kings--he leads them in penalty minutes.

More importantly, who do I hate him?

Because.

Get your hands off of my woman, you bastard.

Anna's coming to the Tennis tournament...

2005-12-01T16:50:00.000-06:00

And in no way is that depressing.

Anna Kournikova has committed to play in a charity tennis match the week of the Regions Morgan Keegan Championships. Just like every other 18-50 year old straight male in the city of Memphis, I am extremely excited about this. This event will become like what an Andy Roddick match is for women--a chance to get dressed up, go ogle a gorgeous person, and try to look good even though you have no chance in hell of hooking up with them. That being said, you can see me in the stands, donning a dress shirt and khakis, at Anna Kournikova's charity match in February. Honesty. That's what I give you.

--It was Elisha Cuthbert's birthday yesterday (thank you Peter Edmiston)...She was number 1 on the Big Board back in the summer when we did the Babe Draft on the Morning Rush...and that was before I knew she had a hockey blog on NHL.com. She has widened her lead.

--Whoever the marketing guy is that came up with the Tag body spray commercials needs to be promoted. I can just see the marketing meeting now...

Boss: "Okay, guys, we have this new body spray we're marketing, and we're trying to get the 18-54 male demographic. What should our commercials be?"

Employee 1: "Boss, I think we need a big name to promote it. Get someone that everyone knows, like John Stamos or something."

Boss: "I like the Stamos idea, but I think we can do better. Maybe if we got, like, Frank Stallone. He's got the Stallone name...I think that's good."

Employee 2: "Boss, I have an idea. How about we make a series of commercials where guys spray Tag on themselves and then unbelievably hot women chase them around and try to sexually assault them?"

Genius. You want to sell your products to guys? Do these commercials. That being said, it's still cheap cologne, and I'll never wear it. But I do enjoy the commercials.

--Meanwhile, a couple of big trades are brewing in baseball. First, the Red Sox are reportedlyc onsidering a trade between them and the Phillies that would involve Manny Ramirez and Bobby Abreu as the principals. Now, as much as I like Abreu, and I really do, the only way I would EVER trade Manny Ramirez is if you offered me A-Rod, Vlad Guerrero, Pujols, Bonds, or Johan Santana. That's it. You only trade a Hall of Famer if you get a Hall of Famer in return. Manny is one of the best hitters of this generation. I don't care if he doesn't want to be here.

Another trade involves the Mets and the Orioles...this one would send Kris Benson and his sex and attention craving wife to Batimore for Jorge Julio. Who cares about this trade? I guess the Mets could use a setup man for Billy Wagner.

Til later.

The Weekend That Was

2005-11-28T16:41:00.000-06:00

Well, in between mouthfuls of turkey, various vegetables, and various alcoholic drinks I have emerged from Thanksgiving weekend a little plumper, a little more tired, and a little shocked about what occurred this weekend in the world of sports and entertainment.

First of all, we received word on Wednesday night that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson had officially separated...the news was so shocking, I was not at all shocked. Word has it that Lachey is seeking a WB sitcom. On the bright side, Jessica is single again, so if you want the very definition of a trophy wife--beautiful, dumb, and self-sufficient--have at it boys, I'm gonna sit this one out. When I ask my girl to go out for Buffalo wings, I prefer her not to point the car in the direction of Shelby Farms.

Memphis fell to Duke in a thriller 70-67 on Friday night, and I hear a lot of complaining about the officiating at the end of the game. Now, I agree that the officiating was a little suspect down the stretch, but it's Duke. You have to expect that. If I had a dollar for every call that Duke got, I would invite you all to my private island in the South Pacific. The Tigers couldn't contain Shelden Williams (who is one of the ugliest humans I have ever seen) and coudn't hit a three in the second half. They also panicked at the end of the game down 2 with the ball. Darius Washington is a very good player to be sure, but the best or second best point guard in the nation he is not. Daniel Gibson doesn't panick. Neither does Mardy Collins of Temple. But the Tigers did provide me with my favorite moment since J.J. Redick got his head dunked on by Maurice Ager in the tournament last year--Redick head faked Rodney Carney up out of his way, then airballed a wide open 14 footer. I literally stood up and applauded. Nothing makes me happier than seeing J.J. Redick fail at things. Like writing poetry.

Saturday brought about a horrifying result for a couple of teams with local ties. First, Ole Miss. Now, on Chip Shots on Saturday I said to give Ed Orgeron some time to get his players in there. I stand by my statement, but my goodness. Getting beat by 21 by Mississippi State? Has Mississippi State scored a total of 21 points all year? That is embarrassing. That was a quit job if I've ever seen one.

Also, fresh off being dubbed the "Buzz Team" by the Liberty Bowl, Fresno State promptly goes out and loses to Nevada. Oh well. Maybe they are not quite as good as we thought. I still think that the Liberty Bowl would have been better served by choosing TCU, a team that is 10-1 right now and ranked #14. The Frogs brought plenty of fans last time they were in Memphis, and are close enough to the top 10 that they would generate national buzz. Just my opinion, and I know Fresno looked great against USC, but a team that doesn't even win the outright WAC title doesn't float my boat.

Meanwhile, I still don't understand how the Grizzlies pounded Dallas on Saturday night. The Mavs must have just had a huge letdown after beating Miami on Friday night. They usually own the Grizzlies, both at Dallas and in Memphis. Great effort by the Grizzlies on Saturday night.

By the way, for all you juniors in high school out there getting ready for your SATs, I'll leave you with a multiple choice question:

1. Dick Vitale : Mike Krzyzewski as _________ : ___________
a) Muslims : Allah
b) early Greeks : Zeus
c) Ewoks : C3PO
d) Elton John : his life partner
e) all of the above

The correct answer is e, kids. All of the above.

All Good Things Must End (unless you're USC)

2005-11-15T11:01:00.000-06:00

So Alabama lost on Saturday--16-13 to LSU. I can't say that I didn't expect a loss--the Tide had been cheating death for weeks, relying on their defense to make big plays and having just enough offense to get them wins. It didn't quite happen on Saturday. Their defense didn't force the big turnover that we are so used to seeing from LSU, and the Tide couldn't block anyone in the second half. Don't listen to people who tell you that it was the Tide's conservative game plan that lost the game. LSU's defense won the game in the second half, controlling field position and giving Brodie Croyle no time to throw.

I'm tired of talking about DeAngelo Williams. Either you're good to start, or you can't play at all. I don't blame Tommy for sitting him, and I don't blame DeAngelo for being tentative. The man stands to lose millions of dollars if he gets hurt again.

On the Chip Shots program on Saturday, I surprised even myself by defending Tennessee, saying that they weren't as bad as their record indicated. Look at who they have lost to--at Alabama, at Notre Dame, at Florida, at home to Georgia, and their one questionable loss, which was at home to South Carolina--and now, even that one doesn't look so bad. They gave LSU their lone blemish on the road. However, watching them hold off Memphis without their best player on Saturday, I came to the realization that this just isn't that great of a football team. Their schedule has been brutal, and as a result, their offense (which wasn't that good anyway) has totally lost confidence. Fulmer completely mangled the QB situation from the beginning of the season, and the offense has no true leader on it.

OBLIGATORY COLLEGE BASKETBALL THOUGHTS:

College basketball is about to start, and I can't get over how horrible this season is going to be. Duke is the best team in the country, and North Carolina is going to be on the bubble barring a Herculean effort from their three freshman starters. Shockingly, Dick Vitale had Duke as his best team and two Blue Devils on his first team All Rolls-Royce (J.J. Redick and Shelden Williams).

(vent alert)

Have there ever been two more overhyped players in college basketball than J.J. Redick and Shelden Williams?

First of all, Redick. The man (I think he is, at least) is as one dimensional as you can be--he doesn't handle the ball well, he can't beat anyone off the dribble, he can't create his own shot, and he can't play defense...Yet he is seen as a god because he shoots threes and free throws well. By the way, last year Redick shot 40% from three point range, Raymond Felton shot around 45%. Just thought I would let you know. This guy is NBDL waiting to happen. Coming soon to your Roanoke Dazzle--former Duke star J.J. Redick!!

Now to Shelden. First of all, I think he has been in school for 14 years. Secondly, on nbadraft.net, he is projected as the eighth pick in next year's NBA draft. The guy has no range. He is 6'9. He has no go-to post moves. How is he going to play against Dirk Nowitzki, Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, etc? The one good player he went up against last year was Sean May--and he was outrebounded 42-13 in the two games. 42-13!! And Sean May is coming off the bench for the Bobcats!!

**On a somewhat unrelated note, immediately below Williams for the ninth and tenth picks are Rodney Carney and Rajon Rondo respectively . One has no basketball savvy, the other can't shoot. God help us.

You'll probably read things like that a lot this year, because I am bitter that Duke is so good. But Carolina won the national championship last year, and Duke girls are ugly. And they play in a high school gym. And their coach looks like a rat. I'm just saying.

Beards, Machetes, and Idiots

2005-11-08T12:00:00.000-06:00

If you can't tell by the title, this is going to be a random post.

--First of all, in what has to be the weirdest story of the day...did I say day? I meant year. Ugueth Urbina has been arrested in Venezuela on attempted murder charges. Allegedly he and a group of friends attacked some of his ranch's employees after a party with machetes and tried to set fire to them, that according to a police report.

Now, I think I speak for everyone when I say I have been drunk at a party. I think most reading this have been. In fact, I was at a party last weekend. At no point during the party I was at did I ever get the urge to chase people with machetes and set them on fire. Nor can imagine a scenario ever arising in which I would want to chase people with machetes and set them on fire. Maybe they do some things differently in Venezuela. I don't know.

--Pau Gasol is playing like a bearded animal early in the season. He looks like a completely different player than the Charmin-soft baby that we have seen in the last three years. It seems as though the new players understand that this is Pau's team, and tell him. Now that he doesn't have the cancerous Jason Williams around him, he is allowed to play with more confidence. And most of playing basketball is playing with confidence. He will have a huge year.

--What can I possibly say about Terrell Owens that hasn't already been said? He is perhaps the most selfish athlete to come along in recent memory. He deserves to be released.

--I am extremely biased in this instance, but Miami being ahead of Alabama in the AP poll is asinine. Again, pollsters don't look at the numbers--Miami has lost, Alabama hasn't. Ergo, Alabama should be ahead of the Canes. End of story. The only thing that could be more asinine than that is Jeff Weinberger calling for Alabama's offensive staff to be canned because their offense is struggling. Which he did. Yesterday. What a moron.

--On a baseball note, the Red Sox could be in trouble. Man Ram wants out, Johnny Damon is a free agent (I can see him ending up in New York), they need a first baseman, and they need some pitching. They just lost Theo Epstein, one of the brightest young minds in baseball. I hope for baseball's sake that the Red Sox can keep a good team together.

--Madonna ripped Paris Hilton yesterday for using Kabbalah as a fashion accessory. Apparently Madonna is very religious...Or she is the biggest skank in our generation. This is the same person who released a book a decade ago called "Sex." Who wore less clothes than most Aboriginal tribes in the decades of the '80s and '90s. And whose videos show more than Skinemax movies. Please, Madonna, don't call anyone out for not being religious.

--Apparently, Lindsey Lohan is going to enroll at NYU, even though she is drunk as we speak. In other news, I am going to enroll at Cambridge University and study biomedical engineering.

Wednesday Ramblings

2005-11-02T11:02:00.000-06:00

"Anytime you let the offense see what's coming every play, you should beat them."

That little indictment of the Tigers' defensive scheme was uttered by none other than UAB's quarterback, Darrell Hackney, after the Tigers lost to UAB--again. At this point, it has to be clear to anyone who has any idea about football that Joe Lee Dunn is not working out as the Tigers' defensive coordinator. When the opposing quarterback says after the game that he basically knew what the defense was doing on every play, then I think it's time for a change. Wasn't that Joe Lee's strength? Disguising his defenses and being unpredictable? The only thing that's not predictable about the Tiger defense at this point is whether they are going to have someone run for 200 yards on them or throw for 300 on them (by the way, both happened last night). The Tigers have given up 500 yards in four of their past five games...at what point will Tiger fans draw the line? I know the talent on the defensive side of the ball is not all that great, but will it take someone scoring 70 on the Tigers to show that the scheme isn't working?

I've been hearing a lot lately about how I should be "concerned" about Alabama's offense. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Alabama is 8-0, correct? #4 in the country, if I'm not mistaken. Mike Shula has to be the most underappreciated coach in the history of Alabama football. If Bear Bryant is the Beatles, then Mike Shula is The Who. All this guy has done in three years is take a team decimated by probation over about a month and a half before the season, make a bowl game despite losing their top two quarterbacks last year, and have them in the top 5 eight (and I assume, nine following Saturday's game against Mississippi State) games into the season. People are just waiting for this guy to lose a game so they can say, "See? I told you he wasn't that great of a coach." Yet all he does is continue winning games. The guy has done a remarkable job cleaning up a disgraced program and getting them back to the national spotlight in under three years. Give the man some credit. Am I the only one who's glad Bama didn't hire Sly Croom and went with Shula?

Random Thoughts:

Mark it down now--the Spurs will win the NBA title in 6 games over the Indiana Pacers.

Let me get this straight--I'm qualified to host a Grizzlies postgame show if I sit courtside at every game and dress like a circa-1970's street pimp?

I found Jason Whitlock's column on Notre Dame extending Charlie Weis to be very interesting. It's true, Ty Willingham had a better beginning to his Notre Dame coaching tenure than Charlie Weis has, yet more seems to be made of Weis.

Randy Sanders's departure from Tennessee (or not??) will not make very much difference to the offense. From what I gather, everything runs through Fulmer, and having a former offensive lineman call your plays is not a great idea. I do think, however, that David Cutcliffe gets a bad rap--I don't think bringing him back would be the unqualified disaster that everyone else thinks it would be.

Apparently Jessica Simpson would have been a therapist if she weren't an entertainer (and I use that word loosely). She would be perhaps the least effective therapist in the history of the world. That being said, I wish she were my therapist.